Adolescence
Should we send our son to a therapeutic boarding school?
Question: Dear Minister, I have two sons: A is 13, and B is 9. Both are adopted and are non-biological siblings. My husband and I have had both boys since they were infants. We go to church twice a week, pray and study the word together every day, the boys go to an excellent private…
Read MoreWhat’s Wrong with Today’s Youth?
by Bill Hall All along we hear questions raised as to what has gone wrong with today’s youth. Recently, a brother expressed his concern along this line and then asked, “What advice would you give young parents to help them avoid mistakes that we have made in our generation?” The first thing we would say…
Read MoreSetting Boundaries
by Jeffrey W. Hamilton Text: Ephesians 6:1-4 I. We live in a country that is founded on the ideas of freedom and liberty A. Yet we don’t live in society without any restraints. We have laws, rules, regulations, expectations B. It is the very laws that we have which gives us our freedom 1. How? One of my…
Read MoreI Wish Someone Had Told Me
https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/I-Wish-Someone-Had-Told-Me.mp3 by Jeffrey W. Hamilton Text: Proverbs 5:7-14 I. I ran across an article by Chuck Lawless about “Ten Conversations I Wish Someone Had with Me as a Teenager.” A. Hindsight generally reveals that mistakes could have been avoided B. I constantly get told: “I wish someone had told me just how bad this could get” C. And…
Read MoreDo parents get sad when their children hit puberty?
Question: Do parents get sad when their kids hit puberty? I’ve seen a lot of parents get sad when their little boy hits puberty. Answer: The early years of a child’s life are rough on most parents. Caring for a baby takes a lot of time and energy. But soon the child is able to…
Read MoreHow do I start being a good parent?
Question: Hello, I am a babe in Christ. I was just baptized last month. My life has changed very much since then, and I have no desire to go back to the way I was. I still have struggles, but I am trying to live a Christian life. A major problem that I have right…
Read MoreWhen do I start talking to my boys about nudity, puberty, growth, and sexual issues?
Question: Hello, I’m a father of three boys. First off, I’ll let you know some information about me. When I was a boy and an adolescent, my father never told me things about puberty, sex, or girls. He talked a little but never told me what they were or what to expect. He never showed…
Read MoreTeaching Children About Fornication
by Mark Roberts “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (I Corinthians 6:18). Perhaps no precept of scripture is as widely ignored as this one. Our society is absolutely obsessed with sex. Advertising, movies and television, printed material,…
Read MoreMy son won’t let anyone, including his doctor, see him naked
Question: Good morning. My son is just 15 and at 3.4 according to your Tanner calculator. I am in the military and am very concerned that he is very shy and modest almost like a girl. I haven’t seen him naked since he was maybe 6 or 7 because he hides himself very effectively. From…
Read MoreMy seven-year-old, who is tall and skinny, thinks she is too fat. What do I do?
Question: Thank you for such a helpful website! I’ve read the article on Five to Nine-Year-Olds this morning. I’m concerned about my seven-year-old girl who attends public school. She’s naturally a tall, thin girl but she asked me if I think she’s fat and lately has been obsessed about this — showing me her stomach and asking…
Read MoreI saw my son masturbating. How do I talk to him about it?
Question: Hello, I’m a nearly 40-year-old father of a teenage boy. I walked in at night to check on him, and he was masturbating. I watched until he ejaculated. He wasn’t using porn. I quietly exited, and I’m positive he doesn’t know I saw him. I do not know what to say to him. When…
Read MoreI recently caught my son masturbating. What advice can I give him?
Question: Hello, I recently caught my son masturbating. I wasn’t aware that he had begun to do something like that. I talked with him about it, and he does feel it’s wrong to do it. He feels he is doing it too much and has difficulty resisting it. He has also looked at pornographic material…
Read MoreWhy Teenagers Take Risks
Source: “Teens more likely to embrace unknown,” The Omaha World-Herald, 3 October 2012 An interesting study finds that teenagers are more likely to take risks when they don’t know what the odds are, but if they know the odds are poor will avoid dangerous situations. Adults will do the opposite. They will avoid situations where…
Read MoreMy son recently underwent puberty but has suddenly stopped
Question: My son has recently undergone puberty but his growth has suddenly stopped. He has both facial and body acne, hair on his upper lip, and a consistent deep voice. He is of Asian descent. What stage do you think he is at, based on those few details? I’m too embarrassed to ask for more…
Read MoreCan someone there talk to my son?
Question: I am a single mom with a 14-year-old son who is starting to become curious about sex. I caught him masturbating, which was awkward for both of us, to say the least. I decided this was a perfect opportunity to have “the talk” with him, but he doesn’t want to talk with mom about…
Read MoreOur fourteen-year-old runs our house and is ruining our life. What do we do?
Question: My wife and I have a daughter age 14. We love her very much, but we made many mistakes. From the time she turned three, she began having hours long tantrums and screaming fits. Time outs were futile, so we ended up giving in to all her demands. Now we have an unhappy home.…
Read MoreHow do I explain spontaneous erections and masturbation to my stepson?
Question: During some research, I found on your site, which was named “Growing up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Boys.” My stepson is beginning a new stage in life, puberty, and he has been getting spontaneous erections. Now, I realize that this can happen at any time and also any place. He’s been…
Read MoreWhat Keeps a Man Sexually Pure?
by Jeffrey W. Hamilton I ran across several interesting studies the other day dealing with the factors that lead teenage boys to engage in sex prior to marriage. One study is titled “The Transition of Adolescent Males to First Sexual Intercourse: Anticipated or Delayed?” The reason for the title is that the surveyed youths were divided into…
Read MoreWhat Boys, Girls, and Their Parents Need To Know
by Wendi Capehart The following is adapted from an old post the good blogger at Wit-nit wrote. He wished to illustrate just how heady and disorienting a brew lust can be, how dangerous in the hands of the immature, but he is not a believer and he wrote an R-rated post. He allowed me to…
Read MoreHow do I stop my 14-year-old son from sneaking out at night to see a girl?
Question: My 14-year-old son has just started sneaking out of our house in the middle of the night. Two times in the last month he left our house at 2 am and walked over one mile to his girlfriend’s house. My son is very sneaky, and he will wait until I’m asleep and then leave…
Read MoreMy thirteen-year-old daughter isn’t listening to me like she used to do. What should be my next step?
Question: Hello. I am a single mother (I divorced 3 years ago, unfortunately). I have a daughter who is 13. I had a question regarding parenting: In the past, my ex-husband and I had a more lenient parenting style. We taught our daughter all the values of the Bible and we had rules and everything,…
Read MoreWhat can I do about my teenage son’s obsession with diapers and his hiding food in his closet?
Question: I have a question regarding my teenage son’s obsession with diapers. I have found out he has been on inappropriate web sites about diapers. This has been going on for about three years that we know of. The school found he was on a diaper site, and in fifth grade, we found a diaper…
Read MoreI’m worried that my son will be too short
Question: I don’t know exactly what I need, but I definitely need help. Before getting back to obeying Christ and attending a church of Christ, I was out doing what I wanted to do and ended up pregnant. The baby’s father and I ended up getting married a few months after I had the baby.…
Read MoreExpect More Out of Your Kids
by Matthew Allen Earlier this week, I participated in a discussion concerning alcohol and advertising. The debate was over whether alcohol companies target youth in their advertising. There is very strong evidence to suggest that the alcohol companies do in fact target adolescent audiences even though such persons are under the legal age to consume alcohol.…
Read MoreI’m teaching a group of 13-17 year girls and would like to address decision making, relationships, and sex. Do you have any suggestions?
Question: Hey! I’ve been put in charge of taking the girls’ night at a youth group and I am doing it on decision making, relationships, sex, etc. I would love it if you could give me some tips on what to say to them about it. Their ages are between 13 and 17. I was…
Read MoreI found out my 12-year-old son is looking at pornography. How do I handle it?
Question: My son is 12 and is at present in the eighth grade. I have got ample evidence that he is visiting some pornography sites secretly. His friends in the school told him about these dirty web sites and how to find them. How I should handle this issue? We are born again Christians. This…
Read MoreMy 14-year-old has become rude, a poor student, and mean to his younger brother. What do I do?
Question: I have a fourteen-year-old son. In the past year, he has become very verbally rude. He is not doing well in school. He cannot get along with his little brother, who is seven. He used to be so sweet and loving and now I’m so worried about him. I know drugs are not an…
Read MoreFamily Time Together Is Essential
by W. Frank Walton in Biblical Insights, Vol. 5, No. 8, August 2005 Time together is the bonding mortar that binds family members together before God in love Giving Thanks Psalm 107 “Hear, my son, and accept My sayings and the years of your life will be many. I have directed you in the way of…
Read MoreHow much sleep do teenagers need? I can’t seem to get mine to wake up in the morning
Question: I have heard varying studies on the amount of sleep that kids, and even adults, need to function in the day. My two remaining children are not morning people unless there is something they really want to do! I really think they may need more sleep. In contemplating how to make this year go…
Read MoreI have a teenager who would sleep in bed all day if I let him
Question: I have a sixteen-year-old boy who would just about spend all day in bed if I let him. He claims he needs twelve to fifteen hours of sleep each day, but I think something else is going on. Any advice? Answer: During a child’s growth spurt, their bodies do need more sleep, but typically…
Read MoreOne of my son’s testicles is longer than the other. Should I be concerned?
Question: One of my son’s testicles is longer than the other. Should I be concerned? Answer: You didn’t mention your son’s age, but I will assume he is still an infant. Generally, there is no concern if there is some variation in size. Few of us are perfectly symmetrical. However, if there is a large…
Read MoreWhy has my preteen daughter started growing armpit hair?
Question: Why has my pre-teen daughter started growing armpit hair? She’s 10! Answer: Auxiliary hair, such as armpit hair, can show up in a typical girl anywhere from 10 to 16 years of age. The average time for developing auxiliary hair is 11. So your daughter is within the normal range. Question: But a hedge?…
Read MoreOur son recently started getting erections when he is spanked. What should we do?
Question: Our oldest son is 14 and we have always spanked him. However, the last few times he has been spanked he has developed erections. How should this be handled? Answer: When a boy gains the ability to have an erection, he has no control over when they happen. Since erections are physically caused by…
Read MoreI caught my son looking at pictures of nude women and stimulating himself
Question: I am a Christian father from Germany. My wife and I try to raise our boys in a Christian and biblical way. I am a member of a small church in Germany. Unfortunately, we don’t have homeschooling in our country, so the liberal elements from outside sometimes come to my home to verify the…
Read MoreMy eight-year-old is having erections and he says they hurt
Question: My son just turned 8 and is having erections. He tells me it hurts and burns. I told him to put a cold wet cloth on it so it will go down. My husband tells me it is normal, but he seems so young and it seems to hurt. Is this normal and any…
Read MoreCan a boy have erections at any age?
Question: Can a boy get an erection at any age? Can they get an erection from the time they are born, even though there is no sperm production? Answer: Boys experience erections even before they are born. They start as early as 16 weeks into pregnancy. These erections are not like those experienced by adult…
Read MoreCan a ten-year-old have pubic hair?
Question: Can a ten-year-old have pubic hair? Answer: Yes, if they started puberty early. Girls can start puberty as early as eight and boys can start puberty as early as nine. For further details, see either: “What is Happening to Me?” in Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Boys “What is Happening to…
Read MoreWhen is a child old enough to explain concepts like rape that appear in a story?
Question: I have a 10-year-old son who is being homeschooled. He is in a Medieval, Reformation, and Renaissance unit and will be reading a version of The Canterbury Tales that has been translated into modern English by Barbara Cohen. In this book, specifically in “The Wife of Bath’s Tale” there is a knight who rapes…
Read MoreMy daughter is moody and depressed
Question: I am in desperate need of information to help my teenage daughter. She is struggling with self-esteem issues and the like — all of your normal teenage troubles. Now she is showing some signs of depression. She is 13. I have just spent the last two hours talking with her, and I thought it…
Read MoreMy 11-year-old son is becoming overly dramatic and moody
Question: I am emailing you because you always have great advice for so many situations. I am having a hard time with my 11-year-old son. I am beginning to contemplate sending him to public school. Last year was the worst year we have had. I am fearing this year is going to be just as…
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