Preteen
Is it normal for an eight-year-old boy to be touching himself?
Question: We have custody of an 8-year-old boy. During the first six years of his life, he was exposed to drugs, sex, filthy language, compulsive lying, and a lot of antisocial behavior from his mother and other adults in his life. He frequently puts his hands down his pants out in the open, and I…
Read MoreI caught my 8-year-old son looking at homosexual porn
Question: Recently I discovered my 8-year-old son had been looking up gay porn. He was very honest when I confronted him. He told me he started looking at these images two years ago. I am devastated that I did not protect him from porn in general but the male search made it ten times harder…
Read MoreSetting Boundaries
by Jeffrey W. Hamilton Text: Ephesians 6:1-4 I. We live in a country that is founded on the ideas of freedom and liberty A. Yet we don’t live in society without any restraints. We have laws, rules, regulations, expectations B. It is the very laws that we have which gives us our freedom 1. How? One of my…
Read MoreWhen do I start talking to my boys about nudity, puberty, growth, and sexual issues?
Question: Hello, I’m a father of three boys. First off, I’ll let you know some information about me. When I was a boy and an adolescent, my father never told me things about puberty, sex, or girls. He talked a little but never told me what they were or what to expect. He never showed…
Read MoreTeaching Children About Fornication
by Mark Roberts “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (I Corinthians 6:18). Perhaps no precept of scripture is as widely ignored as this one. Our society is absolutely obsessed with sex. Advertising, movies and television, printed material,…
Read MoreMy son won’t let anyone, including his doctor, see him naked
Question: Good morning. My son is just 15 and at 3.4 according to your Tanner calculator. I am in the military and am very concerned that he is very shy and modest almost like a girl. I haven’t seen him naked since he was maybe 6 or 7 because he hides himself very effectively. From…
Read MoreMy seven-year-old, who is tall and skinny, thinks she is too fat. What do I do?
Question: Thank you for such a helpful website! I’ve read the article on Five to Nine-Year-Olds this morning. I’m concerned about my seven-year-old girl who attends public school. She’s naturally a tall, thin girl but she asked me if I think she’s fat and lately has been obsessed about this — showing me her stomach and asking…
Read MoreHow do you handle a 10-year-old making critical remarks?
Question: Hello, Your website is great and very helpful. My question is about my niece, who is 10 years old. She has had a sudden change in her personality in school, Sunday school, and at home. She has become critical of everybody and is commenting on everything, so as to make people around her laugh.…
Read MoreParenting Grade-School Children — Responsibility Training
https://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/cms/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/ParentingGradeSchoolChildrenResponsibilityTraining.mp3 by Jeffrey W Hamilton Text: Lamentations 3:25-36 I. How quickly our children grow A. The years between five and nine seem to quickly fly by B. The children enter school. C. Relationships with people outside family develops 1. Teachers 2. Friends – usually strongly attached to same sex D. Sibling rivalry common especially with those of the opposite sex E. Growth…
Read MoreIs it normal for a young child to connect their private parts to the idea of sex?
Question: Can you please tell me if children normally connect their private parts to the idea of sex or the reproductive parts of the opposite sex? I’m asking because I did so since around 7. Is it normal? Answer: A child, prior to puberty, has no built-in concept of what is sex. He will not…
Read MoreFrom the point of view of parenting children, what am I to learn from Luke 2:41-52?
Question: From the point of view of parenting children, what am I to learn from Luke 2:41-52? What principle did Jesus learn from this experience? To obey his parents at all costs? Or it’s sometimes acceptable to disobey them, especially if it means not prioritizing the will of our Heavenly Father? What should children learn…
Read MoreExpect More Out of Your Kids
by Matthew Allen Earlier this week, I participated in a discussion concerning alcohol and advertising. The debate was over whether alcohol companies target youth in their advertising. There is very strong evidence to suggest that the alcohol companies do in fact target adolescent audiences even though such persons are under the legal age to consume alcohol.…
Read MoreMy nine-year-old is lazy and nothing seems to work
Question: I am having issues with my nine-year-old son. He has such a bad and lazy attitude about school, school work, and homework (and most things he is told to do). He has the ability to do the work, but he seems to don’t care. He has been like this since kindergarten; so I know it’s…
Read MoreI found out my 12-year-old son is looking at pornography. How do I handle it?
Question: My son is 12 and is at present in the eighth grade. I have got ample evidence that he is visiting some pornography sites secretly. His friends in the school told him about these dirty web sites and how to find them. How I should handle this issue? We are born again Christians. This…
Read MoreHow do you prevent sibling rivalry?
Question: I was reading some thoughts shared recently by those who are finishing up their years of homeschooling their children. One thing that struck me, in particular, was one mother’s mention of how she enjoyed her children’s teenage years. That is really something! My five daughters currently range in age from 1 year to almost…
Read MoreQuestions about spanking, privacy, and clothing choices.
Question: I have three boys who are actually not my stepsons yet. Their mother, who is widowed, and I are going to be married in about two weeks. We are maintaining a biblical relationship. However, I am a teacher, so I am free to handle childcare over the summer, where she is not. In order…
Read MoreFamily Time Together Is Essential
by W. Frank Walton in Biblical Insights, Vol. 5, No. 8, August 2005 Time together is the bonding mortar that binds family members together before God in love Giving Thanks Psalm 107 “Hear, my son, and accept My sayings and the years of your life will be many. I have directed you in the way of…
Read MoreWhy has my preteen daughter started growing armpit hair?
Question: Why has my pre-teen daughter started growing armpit hair? She’s 10! Answer: Auxiliary hair, such as armpit hair, can show up in a typical girl anywhere from 10 to 16 years of age. The average time for developing auxiliary hair is 11. So your daughter is within the normal range. Question: But a hedge?…
Read MoreMy eight-year-old is having erections and he says they hurt
Question: My son just turned 8 and is having erections. He tells me it hurts and burns. I told him to put a cold wet cloth on it so it will go down. My husband tells me it is normal, but he seems so young and it seems to hurt. Is this normal and any…
Read MoreCan a ten-year-old have pubic hair?
Question: Can a ten-year-old have pubic hair? Answer: Yes, if they started puberty early. Girls can start puberty as early as eight, and boys can start puberty as early as nine. For further details, see either: “What is Happening to Me?” in Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Boys “What is Happening to…
Read MoreWhen is a child old enough to explain concepts like rape that appear in a story?
Question: I have a 10-year-old son who is being homeschooled. He is in a Medieval, Reformation, and Renaissance unit and will be reading a version of The Canterbury Tales that has been translated into modern English by Barbara Cohen. In this book, specifically in “The Wife of Bath’s Tale” there is a knight who rapes…
Read MoreShould we tell our children not to mention to other people that they get spanked?
Question: I have greatly enjoyed all the information and insights that you share on this page. My husband and I are raising three sons. We use spanking as one of our disciplinary tools with the boys, especially for the 3 Ds – deliberate disobedience, disrespect, and dishonesty. Recently one of my sons was in some…
Read MoreMy 11-year-old son is becoming overly dramatic and moody
Question: I am emailing you because you always have great advice for so many situations. I am having a hard time with my 11-year-old son. I am beginning to contemplate sending him to public school. Last year was the worst year we have had. I am fearing this year is going to be just as…
Read MoreOur nine-year-old is seeking boys’ attention by letting her underwear show
Question: We are a dresses-only family. My daughter is (deliberately?) not careful when running and playing and her underwear is showing. She has lost some of her treasured outfits. We raise her to dress very modestly. Last time she was on the swings during a church picnic seeking the boys’ attention. Other parents noticed. I’m…
Read MoreThings are improving in our home, but it is going so slowly!
Question: Thank you! Our home is slowly changing from a battle zone to a loving home. We still struggle, basically, since our 9-year-old acts like a 3 to 5-year-old, then I think she should have 3 to 5-year-old freedoms and choices. These will be earned back as she learns self-control and respect. I’m really needing…
Read MoreShould spankings only be done on the bottom?
Question: We have three boys 8,10 and 12. Of late they have become very defiant. We have read your web site and decided to spank. While being spanked they kick their legs and refuse to stay still. Should we swat them on the back of the legs to stop this, or is the bottom the…
Read MoreWe are constantly having to nag our daughter to get her chores done
Question: I have a nine-year-old who is developing an attitude that we are always nagging and she can’t do what she wants. Every time I ask her to do a chore she says yes, I go away, come back later and it won’t be done. This can happen three or four times before she gets…
Read MoreHow do you handle a manipulative girl?
Question: I think girls to be just as aggressive as boys but in a different way. Does God allow mean behaviors such as being manipulative and subversive to get what one wants? Please tell me, how do you turn around a catty, snippy or snooty child? Answer: Oh, I agree; aggression can be demonstrated in…
Read MoreHow do you handle a child with ADD or ADHD?
Question: A Christian friend has a child that has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. I keep this child once a week and I have several questions for those of you who are familiar with ADD or ADHD. The mother doesn’t want to give me much information because she feels I already have prejudiced views…
Read MoreAre bare-bottom spankings necessary?
Question: I’m glad I came across your website and read so many things from other dads of older boys. I’m a single dad of a 13-year-old boy. I’ve been needing to spank him for his improper attitude, but I have been very afraid to. Mostly because I’m uptight about male nudity, but I realize that…
Read MoreHow can you spank when the child refuses to submit to a spanking?
Question: In relation to using the rod with our sons who are 14 and 10, we started to use a switch and made changes to the way we spanked about a year ago after reading the information on your website. We talked with the boys and we all decided to use spanking in certain acts…
Read MoreMy nine-year-old son doesn’t want to sleep in his own bedroom
Question: My nine-year-old son doesn’t want to sleep in his own bedroom. Is this good for his self-esteem? Answer: Self-esteem is just a nicer way to discuss pride (see Self-Esteem for more information). A Christian parent should not be concerned with developing or maintaining a child’s pride. The question should be, is it good for…
Read MoreHow do I deal with a rebellious attitude in a nine-year-old?
Question: When asking my nine-year-old daughter to do various chores she always obeys, but sometimes with a “humph,” a little puff of air which blows her hair up, sometimes with eye-rolling, and on rare occasions with stomping. I wonder if this is rebellion biblically? How do I get happy obedience? I find myself putting up…
Read MoreWhat do you suggest is a proper bedtime for preteens and teenagers?
Question: Thank you for a great site. I have one question. I have three children: two girls (ages 15 and 9) and a boy (age 12). One of my daughters asked permission to sleepover at one of her girlfriend’s home. I contacted the girlfriend’s mother and informed her about my daughter’s bedtime. She was very…
Read MoreHow do I prepare my nine-year-old daughter for puberty?
Question: I have a young 9-year-old girl and I’m trying to learn more about how to handle her upcoming puberty. It’s going to be hard for her to learn how to handle her young sexual desires. I have no idea what it’s like for girls. I’ll have to lean on my wife quite a bit.…
Read MoreDo boys get into trouble more because they are not taught to communicate?
Question: It’s good to know there are men like yourself in the world. It’s unfortunate that not enough men use old fashioned values for raising their sons. And it’s made worse when fathers do not support each other. I have two boys, 13 and 15. Good kids but rowdy as lots of boys are. My…
Read MoreShould kids swim with the opposite sex?
Question: I want to ask why mixed swimming wasn’t discussed in your article, “Proper Attire”? To me, wearing any bathing suit is as close to being naked as you can get. There is nothing left to anyone’s imagination. Even if a person is clothed from head to toe, going to a public swimming pool or…
Read MoreMy seven-year-old complains every time he has to do something
Question: I am once again in need of advice from those of you that have been at this longer than I. I am having a problem with my 7-year-old son. He is completing his chores and his schoolwork, but I am troubled by his attitude. I feel like I have to push him through his…
Read MoreMy daughter lies but eventually tells the truth under pressure
Question: If a child lies about something but eventually tells the truth under pressure, should she be punished for not telling the truth in the first place, or will that just encourage her to persist in the lie the next time? It seems to me we should be teaching them that the right thing to…
Read MoreHow do I stop my 8-year-old from wetting his bed?
Question: How do I stop my 8-year-old from wetting his bed? Answer: In most cases you will not be able to stop the problem; you will only be able to minimize the number of events. For reasons still not fully understood, some children — mostly boys — holding urine overnight. Speculations range from difficulty in…
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