I caught my 8-year-old son looking at homosexual porn
Question:
Recently I discovered my 8-year-old son had been looking up gay porn. He was very honest when I confronted him. He told me he started looking at these images two years ago. I am devastated that I did not protect him from porn in general but the male search made it ten times harder to swallow. I gave him access to a phone and iPad with no restrictions. I just handed him the world thinking he is 8 and I had nothing to worry about. I am deeply saddened by my lack of protection over my baby.
I discovered the searches due to an inappropriate image he sent to his friends. With further digging, I found him looking up "hot naked males', and specific celebrity men naked or videos of the male celebrities engaging in sex, some of which was with other men. He says he got it from his father who ignorantly and not factually tells him what's gay. His dad tells him "that's gay!" when he exhibits feminine behavior. My son is also quick to say "no homo" anytime he says something normal yet it sounds "suspect." This "what is and what's not gay" prompted him to do his own research and he landed in gay porn.
His father is not as involved as he could be and I fear that my softness may have rubbed off on my son -- a typical single mother's fear. I wanted to take him to speak with someone as I recognize puberty is around the corner and his body is developing quickly right now. It might just be curiosity about his own body that has him looking at such images. However, in today's time, I feared a therapist would push his confused feelings (he never said he felt anything) or possible attraction to men instead of leading him by the word of God. I was also unsure if this was, in fact, boy behavior. Is he now curious about his own body parts? He has mentioned female celebrities he thinks are pretty. But all in all, I'm just so confused.
I made the mistake of shunning my son, yelling, and telling him he would go to hell. I was in shock. I know that it is not true, that being gay is a sin no greater or less than lying and stealing. Could he be gay? Is this typical boy behavior? How do I guide him away from this? I have restricted absolutely everything, no internet on his phone, parental control on TVs, limited time on electronics, and more quality time with me. My fear is that for two years he has been exposed. How do I redirect him, how do I course correct to prevent him from falling into the gay trap that has become acceptable in today's time?
Also, I found your website today, and the relief I had reading related articles and your biblical backup. It gave me hope that my son was not destined to be gay. Thank you for your work.
Answer:
I know you are justly concerned about your son, but you need to also remember that panic and rash choices will not lead to good decisions. "There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Proverbs 12:18).
You can't roll back the clock but you can make the future better.
First, we need to cut the source of the problem. You won't be available to constantly monitor everything he does, so safeguards need to be put into place. On most computer systems today there are parental controls that you can turn on. You set up your son with his own account, but you place controls on the account, such as when your son can use the computer and for how long. Search for "parental controls" for your particular system.
Even if you perfectly control his access at home, he will be at school and with friends where those controls won't be available, so the second tier to handling this problem is to teach him what is bad behavior.
Homosexuality is a sin, just like stealing or lying. It is not an innate trait in a person. Thus, I doubt that your boy has been having sex with other boys. His curiosity led him to look at inappropriate things. Thus, he needs to be calmly and clearly given guidance as to what is good and bad behavior. Treat this as you would profanity. Tell him at certain behaviors or certain phrases are not polite. If he asks why, explain to him what the behavior or the phrase means in simple terms.
However, knowing what is wrong is inadequate without also knowing what is right. You need to find a trusted older male to start teaching him about his sexuality. As you know, I've written a book on the topic which can be used as a guide in the discussion. The book is directed toward older boys, but the early chapters can be covered now and then more of the book can be discussed as he gets older and understands more.
Response:
Thank you so much for your quick response and for the work you are doing. I’ll be using your book as a reference and working to control my own emotions while trying to guide my son. This was a tough situation, but I know we will get through!
