Are bare-bottom spankings necessary?
Question:
I'm glad I came across your website and read so many things from other dads of older boys. I'm a single dad of a 13-year-old boy. I've been needing to spank him for his improper attitude, but I have been very afraid to. Mostly because I'm uptight about male nudity, but I realize that spanking him with jeans on won't be effective. Do you have any advice about how I can begin? Any help would be appreciated.
Answer:
The verses in the Bible dealing with spanking do not mention the attire of the one being spanked. See Notes on Spanking for a list of these verses. Bearing a boy's bottom is not required to give him a spanking.
What I have mentioned in the past is that jeans make the sting of a rod far less painful, thus a parent ends up compensating by delivering more blows and harder blows to accomplish the same end. Sometimes a parent will comment, "I've tried spanking, but he just laughs it off as if it didn't hurt." In such cases, I have pointed out what should be obvious: swats on an uncovered rear-end will be more effective. A completely bare bottom is not necessary. Spanking over underwear will be almost as effective as on unprotected skin.
How do you start? First, define for yourself and your son what will be done for bad behavior. Spanking is not the only option for a parent. I recommend that different methods be used as appropriate for the crime. Like most things in life, one method is not the most effective in all cases. See "Note on Disciplining Children" for ways to accomplish discipline. I recommend that spanking be reserved for acts of willful or purposeful disobedience, cases where other forms of punishment just don't fit the crime, or as an alternative to another form of punishment where the teenager is allowed to choose which punishment they want. For example, if a boy puts a hole in the wall out of frustration with his girlfriend, you could spank him. Still, it won't be nearly as effective as purchasing the repair materials out of his own pocket, performing the repairs, and being banned from talking to his girlfriend for two weeks. The latter is effective because it is closely tied to the problem and its cause.
Too often, parents select spanking because it is quick. I also suspect that parents prefer it because it allows them to vent their anger. When such is the case, they approach discipline for the wrong reason. Children need discipline to correct bad behavior, not because they annoy their parents. Personal vengeance is forbidden (Romans 12:19). A Christian is not to use evil (personal vengeance) as a reason to punish wrongdoing (Romans 12:17). As hard as it is, a parent's frustration should not factor into when or how a child is punished. Parents should have a goal in mind for the behavior of their children. They should have rules that define proper behavior. Punishment is used when those rules are broken to steer a child back onto the proper course.
At times, children get the idea that they can prevent a spanking by threatening to turn a parent into the police or child protective services. I suspect the idea comes about because a few states specifically forbid school teachers from using corporal punishment, but this doesn't apply to everyone. You might encounter a social worker who is either unfamiliar with state law or an anti-spanking zealot. However, the vast majority understand that moderate spankings are legally allowable. See "Corporal punishment of minors in the United States."
