What intimacies are allowed or not allowed to engaged couples?

Answer:

The website you referenced is one advocating Messianic Judaism. Basically, the concept is that Christianity is just a branch of Judaism and that the Old Testament is still in effect. Like many of this group, arguments are presented that sound scholarly until you compare them to actual scholarly sources.

In defining terms it used the English definition of the word "fornicate" and then used the KJV to find four places where the English word translated two Hebrew words. It then used incomplete definitions of the Hebrew words to insist that the Greek word porneia must mean the same thing. It again references an incomplete definition of porneia, which included the phrase "of every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse." They then define "unlawful" as being only against the first five books of the Old Testament and insist that fornication is not declared unlawful in the Torah. The conclusion is that singles' sex is not forbidden in the Scriptures, only prostitution that is connected to idolatry. By the way, their conclusions are broader than your own, since theirs allows for casual one-night stands so long as money doesn't change hands and idolatry is not involved.

The problem is that this is all gibberish. It takes a Greek word, notes its English translation, goes to a 1600s English translation to find four instances of the word in the Old Testament (by the way, they missed Ezekiel 16:15), looks up the definitions of two Hebrew words that this English word translates, and then claims that the Hebrew definitions are precisely the Greek word's definition! Most of the references are from a book advocating sex without restraint. Because of the bias of the book, it cannot be used as proof that its point of view is correct, only that such a point of view exists.

The shell game begins by not acknowledging that Greek is a living language. Words change meaning over time, just as words used today in English don't always have the same meaning as they did in the 1600s. In Classical Greek, which dates back over 300 years before the New Testament, porneia originally was the word for prostitution [Moulton-Milligan, p. 529]. However, over time it changed meaning. In later Classical Greek writings, it denoted unchastity and illicit sexual relations of any kind. In other words, the meaning of the word broadened beyond just prostitution. The Septuagint translation of the Old Testament was a Greek translation of the Hebrew, done about 200 years before the New Testament. The Greek word porneia was used to translate the Hebrew words

• zanah in Jeremiah 2:20 and Micah 1:7
• zenunim in Hosea 1:2 and Nahum 3:4
• zenuth in Numbers 14:33; Jeremiah 3:2; and Hosea 4:11
• taznuth in Ezekiel 16:15; 23:7-11

"Literally, porneia means 'prostitution, illicit intercourse, habitual sexual immorality.'" [The Complete Biblical Library]. Notice that while prostitution is one of its meanings, it isn't restricted to just prostitution.

When we get to the New Testament time and the use of Koine Greek, we find that people continued to use the broad definition of porneia.

To demonstrate the misuse of sources, the article stated:

"Porneia, according to the authoritative Bauer’s Lexicon, refers to “prostitution…of every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse,” BAG, p. 693b."

I happen to have Bauer's Lexicon. It says: "πορνεια (of various kinds of 'unsanctioned sexual intercourse': ...(1) unlawful sexual intercourse, prostitution, unchastity, fornication ... (2) participation in prohibited degrees of marriage, fornication ... (3) immorality of a transcendent nature, fornication ..." The parts I skipped were the lists of proofs and examples to show the word being used in each of the various definitions. The article, by selecting only a few words, made it appear that Bauer gave a definition favorable to the intentions of the article instead of what it actually does -- prove that the article is wrong.

So let's look at how porneia is used in the New Testament. In particular, is it being used exclusively for prostitution connected to idolatry as is being claimed?

• "It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles--that a man has his father's wife!" (I Corinthians 5:1). Here porneia is referring to a man having sex with his step-mother. Idolatry is not even under consideration here, nor is there mention of payment for services. It is the fact that sex is taking place between people of close relationships who are not married to each other.
• "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. ... But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:1-2, 8-9). A man is not to sexually touch a woman because it may lead to porneia. If the unmarried (singles) cannot exercise self-control, then they are to get married.
• "Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, ..." (Galatians 5:19-20). Lists are interesting because each word adds information not necessarily included in the other words. Notice that idolatry is listed separately from fornication. There might be overlap in that some forms of fornication are involved in idolatry, but it also means that there are aspects of fornication that do not fall under the definition of fornication.

While the claim is being made that porneia doesn't include singles, what about the other words often associated with porneia, such as uncleanness and lewdness? "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks" (Ephesians 5:3-4). Is uncleanness here only applied to married people? If so, there is no such indication in the context. If uncleanness is meant for all, then why insist that fornication is restricted in who it applies to? "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:21-23). Once again the context shows a generic context, these things apply to everyone. Lewdness is a problem for single people as well as the married.

Now consider "lewdness": the Greek word aselgeia, refers to shameless behavior, particularly in regards to sex. It is behavior that is involved in pure self-enjoyment or behavior characteristic of an animal. Is this only wrong if done with a prostitute in an idolatrous religion, or is it always wrong? I hope you'll see that it is always wrong. But then how does an unmarried couple engage in sex without lewd behavior that leads up to sex? The same would go for uncleanness and lust. In other words, you would be saying that the end result is all right for an unmarried "committed" couple, but all the things leading up to it are wrong.

The reason sex is forbidden to the unmarried is that there is no commitment. You have the intent to commit your life to someone else, but you have not yet made the commitment. There is no vow -- no marriage -- proving your commitment. That is why you find the state of marriage contrasted to unmarried sex. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). There are two classes, one honorable and the other dishonorable. Both classes engage in sex. Married sex is honorable. Unmarried sex (fornication and adultery) is condemned. Having sex while engaged falls in the category of unmarried, specifically it falls under "fornication."

But there is another false claim that unmarried sex is not forbidden in the Old Testament. from the website you referenced:

"“Unlawful“ in Biblical usage means forbidden by the Torah. But the Torah, with its 613 commandments, does not mention singles sex - “fornication.”"

First, notice the attempt at an artificial restriction. The author knows that if the entire Old Law is used, then a case can be made against fornication, so he narrows it down to only the first five books of the Old Testament as if they are from a different source than the rest of the Bible.

Singles' sex is mentioned in the Law of Moses as something that should not be done:

• "If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride-price for her to be his wife. If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money according to the bride-price of virgins" (Exodus 22:16-17).
• "If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out, then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days" (Deuteronomy 22:28-29).
• "Now Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne to Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her, and violated her. ... And the sons of Jacob came in from the field when they heard it; and the men were grieved and very angry, because he had done a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob's daughter, a thing which ought not to be done" (Genesis 34:1-2, 7).

When people want to avoid the obvious, they can always find someone who will tell them what they want to hear. "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables" (II Timothy 4:3-4).