Should I tell my girlfriend that I cheated on her?
Question:
I and my girlfriend have been in a distant relationship for over two years. We've decided to marry after her graduation. I never had any intention of cheating on her before. But recently I had to be with a girl for academic purposes. I spent hours in her home doing our projects. We became close to each other and eventually, we indulged in sexual activities. It didn't happen in a day. It evolved from a playful touch and it progressed over the next three months. Other than intercourse and oral sex, we did everything else (hugged, kissed, smooched, and even mutual masturbation).
Now I feel like I'm doomed. I can't talk to my girlfriend. Guilt is consuming me. When I look at the gifts she presented, tears stagnate in my eyes. I ran to God and cried for forgiveness. I repented. But still, the guilt of cheating on her is with me. Should I confess to her? I fear that if I confess she would be stunned. The pain she will go through is unimaginable.
What should I do? Please guide me. Should I confess her or just repent and move on?
Answer:
Do I assume that you and your girlfriend were not engaged in sexual acts during the time you dated?
If you behaved properly with her but sinned with this other girl, then your girlfriend needs to know that you are not a virgin. She doesn't need to know with whom you were sinning or exactly when this happened, but she does need to know that it occurred while you were dating her. She is considering making a covenant with you for the rest of her life. She deserves to know what kind of man she is getting. It would be wise to start off by telling her that you made a huge mistake and that you've since changed your ways. Yes, she will likely be upset. She might call off the engagement. But this is her decision. You made yours when you decided to get sexually involved with another woman.
If you had been sexual with your girlfriend, then I'm left wondering if you really understand that sex belongs only in marriage. It would appear that you only think it is only wrong to be doing sexual acts with two girls. In other words, you tell me you have repented, but I'm left wondering what you saw as wrong. Therefore, I have no means of telling how much you have changed.
