How do I tell my boyfriend about my horrible past?
Question:
I was raised in a broken family, so my mother took care of us though we were poor. I faced so many problems since I was young, like older relatives sleeping with me, but since I was young l didn't realize how they were taking advantage of me.
When I was in my twenties I got my first boyfriend. Since I didn't have a job, my boyfriend helped me a lot. I thought he loved me. I was confused because of all the situations, like lacking money sometimes to buy food. We continued to be together for about a year. At that time I got pregnant, but I didn't realize it, since I had no signs until after the first month. I called my boyfriend and told him I was pregnant, but he didn't accept the baby. Instead, he gave me money to abort. I had to abort because my family doesn't have a home and to make matters worse he was the one I thought was going to marry me. It affects me even now that I am a Christian.
I know God forgave but the problem is I don't trust any man. I have a new boyfriend who seriously wants to marry me. I want to tell him everything, but I fear I might lose him because my story is weird. Really, I feel like becoming a lesbian.
Please, I need your help because I am still struggling with my past and helping my family too. Pray for me also that my new boyfriend will accept me even after telling him my worst past.
Answer:
Yes, you've had a difficult start in life, but your past doesn't have to affect your future.
To be clear, it was wrong of the adults in your life to take advantage of you when you were young. It was wrong of you to have had sex with a man with whom you were not married. Regardless of his choice, it was wrong of you to have killed your child. But regardless of all the sins done to you and done by you, the important point is to leave the sins behind. "Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin" (Romans 6:6-7).
This is why I find it confusing that you state you feel like becoming a lesbian. You don't fix problems by going into sin. It is sin that brought all these problems into your life. Homosexuality is condemned in the Scriptures. You cannot be a homosexual and a Christian. "For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due" (Romans 1:26-27).
But I have something else I want you to consider: Do you want this man to love you for who you are or for who you pretend to be? If your future husband is going to live with you in an understanding way (I Peter 3:7), then he needs some insights into the world you came from. If your past drives this man off, then he is not as good of a man as you thought. But if he is a true man, it might take a while for him to process what you tell him, but he will stay with you. So tell him that you would like to talk to him about your past. Warn him that it isn't pleasant or pretty. Assure him that you've come a long way, but you would like him to know about your journey. When he is ready, then calmly tell him about your life. Don't go into graphic detail, but like you did for me factually state the bad things that happened to you, but I would also like you to include the good things that happened as well so that you present a balanced story. Thus, tell about how you found Christ and how you've been working on changing.
