When to Have that Little Talk
It is a mixed blessing when our children reach puberty. Our children are growing up. They are moving on to adulthood, leaving childhood behind. Soon all we will have left are memories and a few photographs. There are many dangers that our children must face, which require parents to teach about -- well, shall we say -- delicate subjects. Let's face it, I have a hard enough time talking about sex with my dear wife. The thoughts of instructing my own children is less than appealing. Yet, if I don't do it, who will?
Puberty is the time when our children develop reproductive capabilities. They are experiencing desires that they cannot describe because they never felt them before. Their bodies are rapidly changing from child to adult form. The very changes are often awkward to handle. And everyone wonders, "Is this normal?" The common parental response is to avoid the topic as long as possible. Why embarrass yourself any sooner than you need to? But if we teach our children as they experience these changes, we can give them peace of mind. More importantly, we can guide them to follow the proper path to adulthood. Perhaps they can avoid the pitfalls that many of us took in our ignorance.
God certainly did not leave us in the dark about our sexuality. There is a wealth of information throughout the Scriptures on a wide variety of issues. The details of what needs to be discussed with your child, I have put in a separate book, titled Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Girls and Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Boys.
However, one question that I have been asked is "When is a good time to start discussing these things with my child?" Most parents recognize that we don't want to start too soon. Small children have no concept of sexual relations and don't need such a concept to function in this world. However, if we wait too long, our child might be caught off-guard in an embarrassing or possibly dangerous situation.
When children are small, there is a natural curiosity about where they come from. Usually, a general answer is enough to satisfy their curiosity. For example, babies grow inside a special place in the mother's tummy. When the baby is old enough to live on its own, it is born. If they want to know how the baby got into the mother, explain that babies start when a father and a mother decide to have a baby. A seed from the father joins with a seed from the mother to form the baby. This is usually enough for most children.
Sometime shortly before puberty, children suddenly become aware of their bodies. They become shy about letting anyone see themselves without clothing. This is a normal part of growing up. You may notice that some children become a bit chubby again. It is almost as if they are putting on baby fat again. This is the body's preparation for growth. Growing takes a lot of energy and a child's body will store up fat to supply some of that energy. About this time, it is good to mention that they will shortly be changing from childhood to adulthood. These changes will include a lot of body changes. For both boys and girls, mention that one of the changes is a rapid change in the size of their bodies. While the growth happens, they will sometimes get clumsy as they readjust to their new size.
For girls, moms should talk to the girls about periods. Talk about the monthly blood flows and instruct them on how to wear a sanitary napkin. It would also be good to have them carry one with them since you never know when the first period will take place. This may bring up other questions, which you can address. If a question doesn't come up that you know you need to talk about during adolescence, save it for later. Make sure your daughter understands to let you know when her period has started. Once it has, plan on taking some private time when you can go into details about the responsibilities of being an adult and the additional desires and temptations your daughter will be facing.
For boys, dads should talk to their boys about erections and wet dreams. These are usually the first indication a boy notices that they have entered puberty. Both body functions can be embarrassing when they happen. Tell your boys to let you know when these events happen and you will teach them about the responsibilities of being an adult, the new desires they will have, and the additional temptations they will be facing. Talking about growing up will probably bring up other questions that your son has been wondering about. Answer each one as simply and as openly as you can, but don't be surprised if some of the things you know you need to talk about does not come up. Save these topics for when your son has started growing and can understand sexual desire first hand.
After your child has gained the ability to have sex, make sure you have a detailed talk with your child about sexual desires, the need for controlling those desires, and the dangers of Satan's temptations before they begin dating. In this corrupt time, you should also discuss the sin of homosexuality shortly after your child has entered adolescence. Many corrupt people know that children are easy targets for perverse sexual practices during early adolescence. They take advantage of the new desires in teenagers, who do not have the experience, to lead them into sin.
Do you need study material?
Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Boys by Jeffrey W. Hamilton
Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Girls by Jeffrey W. Hamilton
Useful Tools
One of the questions I get repeatedly is "How tall do you think I will get?" While each individual is unique, there are calculations available to make fairly decent guesses as to a child's final height. Several methods are available on the "Adult Height Predictor for Boys" and "Adult Height Predictor for Girls" pages.
Related to this are questions regarding "Will I grow any more?", "When will I be able to grow a beard?", and the like. All such questions can be answered if a person knows what stage of development a boy or girl has reached. To help, there are two pages "Developmental Stage Calculator for Boys" and "Developmental Stage Calculator for Girls" which asks a series of questions about a child's development so far and then comes up with an estimated number for the Tanner Stage the child is currently at.
Your Questions
- Are bare-bottom spankings necessary?
- Can a boy have erections at any age?
- Can a ten-year-old have pubic hair?
- Can someone there talk to my son?
- Do boys get into trouble more because they are not taught to communicate?
- Do parents get sad when their children hit puberty?
- Does my son enjoy being spanked?
- Expect More Out of Your Kids
- Family Time Together Is Essential
- How can I help someone who attempted suicide?
- How can I make my daughter interested in studying?
- How can you spank when the child refuses to submit to a spanking?
- How do I deal with a sassy daughter?
- How do I deal with my daughters stealing?
- How do I explain spontaneous erections and masturbation to my stepson?
- How do I prepare my nine-year-old daughter for puberty?
- How do I start being a good parent?
- How do I stop my 14-year-old son from sneaking out at night to see a girl?
- How do I tell my son about puberty?
- How do you handle a teenage liar?
- How do you prevent teenagers from having pre-marital sex?
- How much sleep do teenagers need? I can’t seem to get mine to wake up in the morning
- I caught my son looking at pictures of nude women and stimulating himself
- I discovered one of my stepsons is looking at pornography
- I found out my 12-year-old son is looking at pornography. How do I handle it?
- I have a teenager who would sleep in bed all day if I let him
- I recently caught my son masturbating. What advice can I give him?
- I Saw a Child
- I saw my son masturbating. How do I talk to him about it?
- I Wish Someone Had Told Me
- I’m embarrassed that I spanked my daughter for skipping classes
- I’m worried that my son will be too short
- My 11-year-old son is becoming overly dramatic and moody
- My 14-year-old has become rude, a poor student, and mean to his younger brother. What do I do?
- My daughter is moody and depressed
- My eight-year-old is having erections and he says they hurt
- My fifteen-year-old has become violent and domineering
- My seven-year-old, who is tall and skinny, thinks she is too fat. What do I do?
- My son continues to backtalk us and punches his younger brother
- My son has become defiant and repeats the same sins
- My son recently underwent puberty but has suddenly stopped
- My son won’t let anyone, including his doctor, see him naked
- My thirteen-year-old daughter isn’t listening to me like she used to do. What should be my next step?
- One of my son’s testicles is longer than the other. Should I be concerned?
- Our fourteen-year-old runs our house and is ruining our life. What do we do?
- Our nine-year-old is seeking boys’ attention by letting her underwear show
- Our son recently started getting erections when he is spanked. What should we do?
- Setting Boundaries
- Should I force my 14-year-old son to work even if he doesn’t feel comfortable?
- Should kids swim with the opposite sex?
- Should we send our son to a therapeutic boarding school?
- Teaching Children About Fornication
- We are constantly having to nag our daughter to get her chores done
- What Boys, Girls, and Their Parents Need To Know
- What can I do about my teenage son’s obsession with diapers and his hiding food in his closet?
- What do you suggest is a proper bedtime for preteens and teenagers?
- What Keeps a Man Sexually Pure?
- What’s Wrong with Today’s Youth?
- When do I start talking to my boys about nudity, puberty, growth, and sexual issues?
- When is a child old enough to explain concepts like rape that appear in a story?
- Why does my son lie about his homework?
- Why has my preteen daughter started growing armpit hair?
- Why Teenagers Take Risks