How do I tell my son about puberty?

Answer:

First, as your child grows, look for teachable moments. These are times when your child asks you questions that can be used to discuss important matters without making it seem like a major production. For example, your little boy might tell you "I'm glad my legs are smooth like yours, mommy. I won't like them to be rough and hairy like dad's." You might respond that when their bodies start changing from a boy's body into a man's body that they probably will change their mind. They will likely feel proud of their bodies as each change makes them look more and more like a man. This might lead to further questions, or it might not, but you have introduced the subject of puberty to your son. He now knows there will be a time when his body will change. You also laid the foundation that it is something to which to look forward. Don't think you need to tell everything in one session. It is probably too much to handle all at once, so find occasions to dole it out a piece at a time.

The most difficult thing for a mother to handle is discussing with her son intimate details of sexual development and sexual urges. Teenagers already think their parents don't understand them, and the difference in gender makes this even more difficult. If you do not have a husband to discuss these matters with your son, I would suggest getting a trustworthy book (one that you have read and agree with its approach) and leaving it where your son can find it when he is curious. If you can find a trusted male, such as your preacher or an elder, ask one of them to spend a few days discussing the details with your son; then, when the questions arise that are too embarrassing to ask a woman, he has a reliable person to ask.

Finally, you might one day find your son involved in wrongful sexual behavior (playing "doctor," looking at pornography or involved in heavy petting). Don't panic, but don't put the matter off. Get your information lined up as to why the behavior is wrong. (If you need help, there is material on this website.) Give your son a good talking to as to why it is wrong from a woman's point of view. Then get a trusted man to give your son another talk as to why it is wrong from a man's point of view. Learning the truth about the dangers of sin from multiple sources makes a major impact on most boys. Even when there are a mom and dad at home, I have been asked on several occasions to reinforce their objections with their sons. Almost always, the behavior stops when it is caught and dealt with early. (By the way, the talking to is supplemental to any punishment and not a replacement for punishment. "The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother" (Proverbs 29:15).)