Would my partner get back on track with God after we have a child together?
Question:
Hello,
I appreciate that you are taking my question. I'm unsure how I found this website, so I'll take it as a good sign.
I'm dating an inactive Jehovah's Witness. We've been together for several years, and we live in the same house. We've made a lot of progress together, and from time to time, we always talk about the Bible because of my curiosity. When I was a kid, I followed a religion that believed in God but mixed many more things with the subject of energy and so on (gnosis). So, when I was able to get out of that place, I remained in an agnostic mode without knowing what to believe. What my partner told me was a little difficult for me to understand or accept sometimes, but I soaked up what she told me little by little, and I ended up liking it.
About a year ago, I tried to start attending the so-called Watchtower sermons or studies (which I thought was the equivalent of listening to a weekly conference by the evangelists or going to the Catholic Mass). However, this did not sit well with my partner since she noticed I was committing myself too quickly to beliefs. I got to the point of telling her that God was more important than her, which scared her. After a couple of back and forths, she told me that until I was baptized, God did not expect me to do things right, and if we had to stop having relations or sleeping in the same room, we would most likely have to separate.
She does want to get married, but only when it is our decision, and if I asked her to speed up the marriage so as not to be in sin, she would not accept it. Also, another requirement to make her want to make the sacrifice of doing things right again would be to have a child (to be able to give him an upbringing by example).
Back to the topic, I ended up saying that I would bet on her and that we would walk the path together when she was ready and do it both at the same time, which is basically what she wanted. But also that day, I told her not to talk to me about anything because I didn't want a flame to be rekindled in me and have to put it out again because it would destroy me.
I am starting to read the Bible on my own and watching philosophy videos (because I needed to get closer to God and have faith because of solid arguments). The truth is that I have never been more convinced of the existence of God and Jesus. I didn't need any miracle or any extraordinary event. I was able to reach this conclusion simply by exploring.
Most important to me is that I want to live without sinning. I don't want to wait a few years to be baptized to start doing things right. I want to do it now because it hurts me to actively sin.
Should I believe my partner can get back on track after having a child and getting married? Do I really have to sin for years based on the fact that she is telling me the truth and not lying to my face (even if it is unconsciously)? It is not something I want, but in case it does happen, everything magically falls into place in a few years; would God forgive me for that?
I already asked Him to guide me on what I should do, and a few days ago, we had a fight, and she left the room angry. At that moment, I prayed to God about all these issues and asked Him if I should leave her or not. This was the right time (since the argument had escalated quite a bit), and immediately after I finished my prayer, she came into the room, renewed with the intention of fixing things.
For about 4 or 5 days, she has been quite affectionate, as we always were with each other, but it seems that she is in a very good mood, which confuses me. I don't want to think that I am misinterpreting God's message or that Satan is tempting me.
If you could give me your opinion, I would be very grateful.
Answer:
Oh, the lies we accept if they give us what we want. Jesus told us that you know more about a person from the results of his actions than from what he says. "You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16-20).
Let's look at what your girlfriend is doing.
- Even though she helped you know a bit about God, she is living with a man and having sex with him, which is contrary to God's law. "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).
- She claims that non-Christians can break God's laws; yet, God's laws apply to everyone. It is why we speak of people being in sin. "But the Scripture has shut up everyone under sin, so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe" (Galatians 3:22).
- As you become interested in being a Christian, she is telling you to slow down. This is different from the Bible's view that salvation is highly important. "And working together with Him, we also urge you not to receive the grace of God in vain -- for He says, 'At the acceptable time I listened to you, and on the day of salvation I helped you.' Behold, now is 'the acceptable time,' behold, now is 'the day of salvation'" (II Corinthians 6:1-2).
- She claims that she wants to get married, but she wants a baby before she will commit.
I have to conclude that she is not interested in living a Christian life. She'll claim she is a Christian but wants to do things her way. She wants to be a mother but doesn't want the responsibilities of being a wife. She doesn't want you converting because she will stop getting sex from you, and she won't get the baby she wants. Everything I see from your description is a selfish woman who is willing to harm others to get what she wants.
Regarding your prayer, God doesn't encourage or support sin. "Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust" (James 1:13-14). He would not have told you to stay in sin. You interpreted the events to feed what your body desired.
This may be hard to hear, but I suggest you become a Christian in truth—not a Jehovah's Witness, but a real Christian. See "We Are Simply Christians Without Being Members of Any Denomination. You Can Be Too!" You'll have to do this without your girlfriend's support, though I would like you to offer her the opportunity to learn with you. My guess is that she'll try to undermine any attempt on your part because she doesn't want a change in her plans.
A part of becoming a Christian is repentance. Repentance is changing your attitude toward sin, no longer seeing it as acceptable, and a change in your behavior. That means stopping the fornication (having sex when you are not married) and moving out until you are married so that you are not tempted to have sex. The odds are she will break up with you, claiming that you are trying to force her into marriage, which would show that she never intended to marry you.
I hope she proves me wrong. However, regardless of her choices, you need to make the right choices. "So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:12-13).
