Do I tell her husband?
Question:
I am a married man. A number of years ago, I was dating the woman who eventually became my wife. At that time, I served in the church, but I had inappropriate conversations with a married woman in the same church. She sent me a photo that I asked for that showed indecent cleavage. That's as far as it went because she wanted to commit adultery, but I didn't have the courage for something like that. Once she saw that I was unwilling, she did not speak to me again about it.
Everything changed a few years ago. God changed my heart and my life. I confessed to my wife what had happened before our marriage and that I failed to talk to her about everything. We are still going to church today, and she is now my wife. She forgave me. I confessed everything to her before I wanted to marry her and do things right. The issue seems to be closed. But I kept thinking that I should have told her husband what had happened. I'm sure she has been unfaithful to him with other men. They are still together. It is like a marriage, but by its fruits, it seems they do not know the Lord. When he speaks, everything has a double meaning. So, I have doubts about confessing to her husband.
I read a lot on your page about OCD-religion, and I have suspicions that, even if I am not diagnosed, I may be suffering from it because I feel worried. This issue has consumed me for the last three weeks, along with telling you that I am giving up masturbation. I have been masturbating for two months, and I don't feel comfortable with it.
Thank you very much for your help and advice, which lies in knowing what to do or if I need to do something like what I do. I said about confession.
I forgot to tell you that I have asked for advice from my uncles, who are my spiritual mentors. They told me that I should not say anything because I confessed my sin to the Lord, and my wife and I abandoned it. Friends in Christ have advised me the same, but that thought distresses me, and I can't let it go.
Answer:
Given that she has been repeatedly unfaithful to her husband, telling him is not going to tell him something he doesn't already know. While she tried to get you to commit adultery, you stopped it before it went that far. What you did was wrong (Ephesians 5:3-5), but I don't see how telling the husband will benefit him.
When you repent of your sins, you attempt to minimize the damage caused (II Corinthians 7:11). You can't eliminate the damage in many cases. Nor can you apologize to everyone since they may no longer be contactable. However, God doesn't require that every person you may have harmed has to forgive you. Nor does He require you to confess your sins to every person affected by your sin. He requires you to confess your sins to Him (I John 1:9) and repent (II Peter 3:9).
You are adding additional requirements on yourself that God did not place. You have left your sin. Focus on strengthening other people.
Question:
Thank you very much for your answer. It is a great blessing to me, and I appreciate the time you took to analyze my case.
Perhaps I am experiencing this mental torment or wanting to put more conditions on myself than God put since we attend the same church, and in fact, he is kind to me. I obviously do not seek to be near that woman, but perhaps I feel this precisely because I get along with him, and we have contact in the church.
Answer:
Instead of punishing yourself for your past sins, look for ways to improve your brother in Christ. Encourage him to improve his relationship with his wife. There may be a day when he will need a friend if she destroys their marriage.
Response:
Thank you very much for your response. It is clear that I have to work on believing God's promises that He makes all things new since I still think I would be the least suitable person to help him. I want to help him, but I know that he never knew about my wrongdoing. It would be better for me to keep a prudent distance and treat him well.
