We started to have sex but didn’t complete it. How do we go back to purity in our relationship?
Question:
My boyfriend and I committed a sexual activity, we started sex but didn't complete it. We just were involved in foreplay. Anyway, I'm 19 and he's 22. We are in a serious relationship and have been for almost three years. We met in college while taking the same program.
I would say that our relationship at first was really good. We do go to church, we pray, and attend some preaching by pastors, no bad words rule, etc. But later on, I know there is something really wrong with our relationship. We both forget God. We don't have time with Him. I really feel that my soul is craving His Word. My soul is crying, but for the last month, I just ignored it. I never realized that I'm sick emotionally. I want to fix up these things very soon with my boyfriend, but I don't know how to start. What is the first thing I should say to him? Please help me. I want to go back to when our lives were pure and clean with our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Answer:
Jesus spoke a parable about the spreading the gospel, the parable of the sower (Matthew 13:3-9). As he explained to his disciple the seed sown is the gospel. It is spread wide but it isn't all productive -- much depends on hearts the gospel lands in. The one we are interested in is when the gospel seed lands among the world's weeds. "And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful" (Matthew 13:22). Worldly behavior gets in the way of godliness. "You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:4). Or as John said, "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever" (I John 2:15-17).
You and your boyfriend appear to live as Christians when it is convenient to you, but it isn't an all-encompassing dedication to God. Thus, as the temptation to follow the world enter into your relationship -- getting involved in lewd behavior -- things of God are getting pushed to the side. In part, it is because inside you realize that your behavior and being a Christian are not compatible.
Where you start is with the Word of God because that is where faith comes from. "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ" (Romans 10:17). You and he need to go back over what God has said about sexual touching and lewd behavior between people who are not married. For a starting point see:
- Is giving a hand job sinful?
- I came close to having sex with a coworker. What do I do about the situation?
Assuming both of you are convicted that you really have sinned, then it is past time to change and return to God.
