I came close to having sex with a coworker. What do I do about the thoughts regarding what I almost did?
Question:
I taught in a nearby primary school three years ago. There was this lady who also taught and is currently teaching. She one time approached me requesting my assistance in her examinations. In the course of the teaching, I began to develop a passion for her, with no intention to marry her. We never had sex, but she nearly lured me to bed. On several occasions we were alone, we kissed and I used to fondle her breast and buttocks. I had the chance to continue my education, left the place and so we hardly came together. Not long ago, I made my intentions clear to her that I am no longer interested in those immoral acts, but she deemed it strange and blamed me for breaking her heart. I have prayed to God for forgiveness, but my deeds keep on haunting me and especially when I see her. As a faithful Christian, I would like you to help me out; have I sinned, and if yes or no what do I do now because I hardly can forget this?
Answer:
"Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles -- when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you. They will give an account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead" (I Peter 4:1-5).
It may seem strange, but I would not want you to forget that you are a man and are vulnerable to sexual temptations like any other man. It is people who don't think they can sin who are most likely to fall. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:12).
Did you sin? Yes. People realize that fornication is a sin, but they typically overlook the fact that the things which lead up to fornication are also sinful. You were sexually touching a woman you weren't married to and I would assume that she was doing the same to you. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:1-2). Imagine if you saw an unmarried couple doing what you did in a public park, you would probably be upset at their lewd behavior. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). And we haven't yet touched on the thoughts going through your mind and her mind. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:21-23).
Did you sin in turning her down? No. You should have done that long ago. "For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?" (Proverbs 5:20). That she is upset that you turned her offers down is understandable. It was a blow to her ego that she couldn't totally manipulate you. Notice that she isn't trying to change to be more righteous. She is upset that you won't be more wicked.
What now? Understand that you made the right choice and thank the Lord that while you stumbled, you did not fall completely into sin. Limit as best as possible your interactions with this woman. If an opportunity comes up to work somewhere else, then you might want to seriously consider it. Meanwhile, understand that such women will eventually find someone to pull into their bed and forget about you.
Response:
Thank you.
