Should I ask my girlfriend to marry me when we tend to argue a lot?
Question:
I have a question which you may know a little about. In my relationship with my girlfriend, we tend to argue a lot. She will say something and I will explode or vice versa. This has left me without peace and asking if this relationship is God's will. I wanted to ask my girlfriend to marry me next month, but right now I am not sure. Please help me out. Why do we have these tiffs? Should I go ahead and get engaged to her? Kindly help me out because I need to move forward.
Answer:
The fact that two people who grew up in different households and under different circumstances don't always see everything the same ought to be a given. At times those disagreements are going to be strong. It isn't that disagreements happen, it is how you handle the problems.
You state that both you and your girlfriend get explosively angry. That is not the way Christians ought to behave. "This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God" (James 1:19-20). The problem is bigger than just whether you two ought to get married. You both have a problem that needs to be fixed regardless of whether you marry or not.
I want you to read two lessons. In each, there is a long list of verses. I ask that you sit down with your Bible and go through each one and jot down what you learn from the passage. The lessons are "The Wolves Within" and "Of Gnats and Other Annoyances."
When you settle your own problem, then you can consider whether your girlfriend is working on her side of the problem as well. If she doesn't care or doesn't change, the understanding that if you marry her, you are signing up for a lifetime of arguments -- you won't have a happy marriage. But if you two can work through these issues now and resolve them, then you can work through other problems as they arrive in your marriage.
