My boyfriend and I try hard, but we always end up in sexual situations. What should we do?
Question:
My boyfriend and I are both Christians. We both try very hard to follow and do God's will and word. So when I told him that I didn't want to have sex till we were married, he was all right with it. Even though we have had sex before, I was at the point where I felt we really needed to stop. Then I asked if we could stop even foreplay, and for quite some time we weren't doing anything. It makes me feel unclean and I want what's best for us and for God. But recently I've been giving in to temptation, and we slip and do something. Never sex though, I never ever let us have sex anymore. But it's hard because my boyfriend believes in God's word, but he seems to have a hard time understanding it because of the feeling of "love" he thinks he gets from being sexually close to me.
I don't want to do anything sexual with him, and I feel like when we do it takes me away from life and even pulls me away from him. But when I get tempted it's even harder to say no because he's not against it. We both honestly love each other and truly love God, but I have issues with weakness, and he has issues with understanding. We've read scriptures, we've prayed about it together, I've explained it to him a billion times, but somehow it always winds up in this situation. What do we do?
Answer:
"If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15).
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me" (Matthew 16:24).
It is easy to claim to be a Christian, especially when you happen to want to do what is right. But what separates the true follower from the would-be follower is when you trust God to follow Him even when you would rather be doing something different. "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father's who sent Me" (John 14:23-24).
I look at what a person does, not what he says to determine who they really are inside. "You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20). So, here is the hard question: what is your boyfriend telling you by his actions that you aren't listening to because you want to believe something different about him?
I doubt that your boyfriend truly doesn't understand. What doesn't he understand about: "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10)? Where in all your Bible reading did you find God saying He excuses sin if people want to do it to "feel love?" I think your boyfriend is smarter than that. I only know what you've told me about him, you know him far better, but it appears to me that he wouldn't think twice about getting naked with you again if the opportunity arose.
The question you have to ask yourself is if you want a Christian for a husband or a boy who thinks love is sex.
Your compromising is avoiding fornication, but it isn't avoiding sin. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). What you are involved in is lust. You are exciting each other's sexual desires when neither of you is able to satisfy that desire without sin. You keep doing it because you don't want to lose him. He keeps doing it because it feels good, and he expects to eventually get in you again. Sadly this is what the world is convinced is love. I really feel sorry for both of you. I hope and pray that you both see that sex, lust, and passion isn't worth ruining your lives and losing your souls over.
