I’m supposed to be baptized soon, but I keep focusing on sexual things


Hello Jeff,

For years I hated gay and trans people. I am always ridiculing them and when I’m downloading a movie or tv series I always check whether there are gays in it or not first before downloading. The violent stuff or heavy sex (man and women) doesn’t matter to me, it’s always seen gay people that I hate. Even in public, I felt gross if I see one. I had a friend who revealed to me he was gay, and I blocked him and didn’t talk to him again. If I see a gay person on the Internet, I tell them that what they’re doing is gross, and I often act like a harsh homophobe.

So all this led me to realize that I am obsessed with that and I am scared that I might become one. I searched the Internet and it says that I might be a closeted gay. Even the gays I ridiculed say that I am one because I’m always being harsh toward them. What should I do to stop from becoming gay? Please help me.

I went on the Internet and watched an 18-year-old girl undress live. I was grossed out after that. There’s no point. I just hate my life. I am getting baptized in a week, but I keep coming back to this sexual stuff. I can’t control myself. I am 21 years old and attracted to sexual stuff and the underage thing is even grosser. What should I do? Please help me.

How do I get away from these? Why am I attracted to this? I even get horny when I see rape scenes in movies. Now I want to just end my life.


There are many things we should talk about and I don't think I'll be able to cover everything in this reply.

Young men typically have to deal with strong sexual urges. It is a part of being male and so self-discipline has to be a part of a young man's training. Following your passions without restriction can lead to many problems.

Even though you have a strong drive to have sex, you need to realize that no one makes you sin. You have to choose to sin. "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it" (I Corinthians 10:13). There are always choices available that don't include sin. Whether you take the wrong path or the right path is based solely on your decisions. Thus, the sins you are panicking over are temptations that you can reject.

"My son, give attention to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your sight; keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them and health to all their body.

  • Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.
  • Put away from you a deceitful mouth and put devious speech far from you.
  • Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
  • Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil."

(Proverbs 4:20-27)

The heart is where your body's blood is pumped and life is in the blood (Leviticus 17:11). We cannot live without it. Thus, it is with our hearts. The things we desire – as the heart goes -- so goes our life (Matthew 12:34-35; Mark 7:21-23). We have to guard against wickedness or we will lose our life. In other words, avoiding sin is more than not committing wicked actions. It is a battle against what we desire. If we wait until the sinful action begins to try and stop sin, we have already lost because the impulse to sin will constantly be there. Therefore, you need to focus on righteous things. You cannot be filling your mind with sinful images found on the Internet and think that it won't impact your life.

Along with protecting your heart, you must also control your mouth. Lying has to stop (Ephesians 4:25). Not just the outright lies but also the twisting of the truth that makes other people make the wrong decisions. Just as we tread a path that is straight and clear, our speech has to be honest and straightforward as well. As James 1:26 points out, if we can’t control our tongue, we are not just deceiving others, we are deceiving ourselves. A too common lie that young men tell themselves is that they can get close to sin and it won't affect them.

Next, you have to control your eyes. Your eyes have to be fixed on where you are going because where you look is the direction you follow (Hebrews 12:1-2). “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (Matthew 6:22-23). Simply put, you have to stop looking at sexual sins on the Internet.

Finally, we have to control our behavior. We cannot engage in sinful behavior and think we can easily get back on the path (Romans 12:9; Ephesians 5:15; Hebrews 12:13). We cannot deviate from the straight path (Deuteronomy 5:32; Joshua 1:7). Therefore, we need to think about where we are going. Proverbs 4:26 begins with the Hebrew word palac, which means to make level or even. Following the path of righteousness is hard enough without putting obstacles in our way. Our steps need to be placed on the firm ground of righteousness (Psalms 37:23; II Thessalonians 3:3).

Logically, you don't walk a path that leads to a destination you do want. "Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they do evil; and they are robbed of sleep unless they make someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence" (Proverbs 4:14-17). Young men are notorious for not thinking ahead and reasoning where actions will lead. They tend to do first and then fix problems as they occur.

Therefore, should you worry that you might commit acts of homosexuality? Not at all. Your decision is not to get involved in that sin, so stick by that choice. In the same way, you should not worry about becoming a rapist. You choose to treat women with respect and that will be how you behave.

The problem is that you keep putting sexual temptations in front of you. You get worried because your body responds. To put it bluntly, your body was designed to have sex. Physically, your body doesn't make moral judgments. It simply responds to anything that is even remotely erotic, whether it is moral or not. It is your mind that keeps your body under control. Chose to turn off things that are immoral. If you find yourself getting aroused, remove yourself from the situation. This is what it means to be a man.

Finally, on an unrelated topic: Why are you scheduling when you become a Christian? One of the things we notice throughout the New Testament is that people did not delay in responding to the message of salvation. "And working together with Him, we also urge you not to receive the grace of God in vain -- for He says, 'At the acceptable time I listened to you, and on the day of salvation I helped you.' Behold, now is 'the acceptable time,' behold, now is 'the day of salvation'" (II Corinthians 6:1-2). Three thousand hear the gospel on Pentecost and were baptized that day (Acts 2:40-41). The Ethiopian Eunuch discussed Jesus with Philip while traveling and was baptized at the next water source (Acts 8:26-39). A jailer in Philippi was told what he needed to do to be saved and was baptized that same hour (Acts 16:30-34). I'm positive these people did not know everything there was to be known about salvation, but they knew enough that they gave themselves over to Jesus' will immediately.


But I still get tempted daily, I couldn’t go away even for a month without getting into temptation again. Even with my previous girlfriends, I always talked about sexual stuff and tell them to send nudes. I don’t know how God could forgive me every time I commit sin. Is there a way to get away from this? How can I have a healthy relationship in the future with a past like this? What if I can’t stop? Help me with this, please. There must be a way for me to completely abandon this.


Being tempted is not a sin. Even Jesus faced temptations, but he did not give into sin.

Yes, you committed a number of sins in the past. That is why you need to become a Christian and leave your past behind. "Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin" (Romans 6:3-7).

Being a Christian doesn't mean you will never be tempted again. Satan is not going to give up that easily. "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world" (I Peter 5:8-9). Instead of living for your passions; as a Christian, you learn to give your life over to Christ. When faced with temptations the choice becomes clearer: I choose to do what the Lord commands regardless of what I may personally desire.

Can you change that radically? The answer is clearly "Yes!" because many have done so in the past and many will make the same choices in the future. Look at the list of sins that some of the Christians in Corinth committed before turning their lives over to Christ. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11).

"What if I can't stop?" is the wrong question. You have full control over the choices you make. What should concern you is "What if I don't leave my sins?"

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