I’m afraid my son is gay
Question:
I sense my son is gay because he has never had a girlfriend. And I have caught him watching gay porn. I raised him in the church, where it is taught that that is a sin. How do I talk to him about his struggles and that his lifestyle is a sin? A sin that he can turn away from.
Help me save my son!
Answer:
Given today's free access to pornography, young men struggling with using pornography to gratify their desires for sex is commonplace, unfortunately. Some turn to homosexual pornography for a variety of reasons, such as thinking it is "safer" since sex with girls is forbidden, wanting a male role model in their life, a fear of being rejected by girls, etc. Regardless of the reason or the type of pornography being viewed, the answer remains the same: viewing pornography is a sin. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Take a look at Lies Pornography Tells Men for more information on why pornography is dangerous.
The lack of a girlfriend is less of a factor. Again because modern entertainment requires less direct interaction with people, I am finding more young people who don't know how to be friends with people, let alone have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Encouraging him to get out and met other people will go a long way to solving this difficulty.
Right now you basically have fears of what he might become. I don't know if the two of you are comfortable talking with each other about sexual matters and sexual feelings. Many people find it awkward to discuss such things with people they know too well. Generally, I would suggest that this is something the boy's father should be discussing with him. Failing that finding a godly man in your church to mentor him would be a good backup plan. If he would rather talk to a stranger, he is welcome to contact me.
