I found out the man I’m dating is living with his ex-wife. Should I wait until he moves out before marrying him?
Question:
Hi,
This man approached me, I had never seen him before and he worked next to the building I worked at. Well, one day, he stopped me and asked me out. I went and we started dating. He told me he was divorced and lived alone. Well, I believed him.
Later on in this relationship, I found out he was living in the same house with his ex-wife. He pays her rent to live there. It is the house he built for them. I guess they were married for about twenty years and got divorced about fifteen years ago. I met him ten years ago. When I found out he still lived with her, I called their house and she and I talked. I asked her why she stays with him knowing he is seeing me, and she said that why would she try to find someone else that might treat her the same way as he has. She throws him out and he comes right back. It made him mad, but he still sees me.
I started going back to church and telling him how wrong it is for us to continue seeing each other like this. He doesn’t think God cares because God wants us to be happy and love one another, but I think God does care, and I am afraid if I died I would go to Hell. I have tried to break up with him several times, and then I give in because he promises me he is going to get his own place, which has not happened yet. This year I told him again that it is wrong. He said she knew about me. I just don’t believe him. I cannot prove anything he says either way. I hate to call her again because I don’t know if that is wrong. If he leaves that house and gets a place and marries me, is that going to be blessed by God or not?
Please help. Thanks
Answer:
Just because someone gets a divorce, it doesn't mean they have a right to another marriage. His behavior indicates a man who was divorced by his wife because of his misbehavior. That would not allow him to marry again. That he still lives with his ex-wife would indicate that there is more going on than you know.
God wants people to live righteously. Doing so does bring happiness, but we don't simply chase after pleasures. It is worldly thinking that says pleasure is the most important thing in life. "By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward" (Hebrews 11:24-26). This man's pursuit of pleasure is self-serving -- he isn't interested in living to please God.
What I can't figure out is why it took you ten years to figure out the guy is a bum. He lied to you from the start; that should have been an immediate warning flag. Whether he moves out of his house or not doesn't make a difference. This man is not worth having.
