How do I restrain myself with my girlfriend?


Hi Jeffrey,

I'm in a courtship with a lady and we both promised each other never to fornicate, which we have kept for three years now. But we do kiss and romance each other since a year into our courtship. I have tried to stop it but to no avail. She has self-control over her body more than I do because I have been the one persuading her, whereas she reminds me of the promise we made knowing that kissing and romancing are also against God's law. After becoming a pastor, I still struggle with how to stop kissing and romancing her without having sex with her. Please help me with advice on how to stop it because I heard a voice recently while on my bed saying "the only thing I want from you is to be faithful to me." Please help me with advice on how to stop kissing and romancing her.


The best advice is Paul's: "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9). So why not get married? Even knowing there will be a time in the future when you will be able to have sex will help you to resist the temptation now.

You can exercise self-control, but not if you keep trying to push things further toward sex. Keep your hands to yourself, not touching private areas. Brief kisses are fine, but not long ones that ignite your passion. Treat her with the respect she deserves and not as an object of sexual fantasies.


Thanks for the advice. I'm sorry for replying late to express my heartfelt gratitude to you. By God's grace, I will do as you said. I'm trying to be matured in the things of God so I need mentors. Thanks and God bless you with abundant life, peace, and divine health (John 10:10; Jeremiah 29:11; III John 2).

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