Am I still a virgin?
Question:
Am I still a virgin? Is God disappointed in me?
Growing up as a child, I was raped when I was really little. But then Jesus found me when I became a teenager and I love him. I forgave the person who raped me. I even hated boys at some point. Now I’m in my early twenties.
Last year my friend introduced me to this guy. He was really nice, and we liked each other. That was the first time I went to a guy's house. A long story shortened, some things happened and it went crazy. I feel so disappointed in myself. I hate myself even more because I told myself I’d be a virgin until marriage. I know I was raped but still, I called myself one.
Now there’s this other guy who’s liked me for 5 years and all. He wants to date me, but I said no. Anyway, we were talking and I decided to stay over. Then he was kissing me, even when I told him to stop. I would even say he forced himself on me.
My heart aches so much. I’m so sad. I feel so ashamed. I feel like God is so disappointed in me and I’m turning already to my closest friends in church, which I’m just hearing she has had sex with a lot of people.
Anyway, is there anything like a Christain virgin? Because until I’m ready for marriage, I have no plans on dating.
Answer:
If I understood your story correctly, you were raped as a small child. As a young woman, you got caught up in fornication when you were over at a guy's house and recently you decided to spend the night at another guy's house and he took it as an invitation to force himself on you. It wasn't clear whether intercourse took place, but you were clear that his attentions were not wanted.
The word "virgin" just means not having sexual experiences, which doesn't apply in your case. To call yourself a virgin would be misleading and Christians must not lie. However, this doesn't mean you can't make changes. God isn't interested in what happened in the past, He is looking for people who follow Him in the present. After listing several sins, including sexual sins, Paul told the Corinthians, "Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11). You need to apply this to yourself as well. You had sinned, but your aim is to no longer sin.
To be clear, being raped is not a sin on your part. This was exclusively the sin of the rapist. Especially when rape happens to a child, Jesus has choice words, "And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matthew 18:5-6).
If your aim is to one day get married, you will need to date to get to know your future husband before you make the decision to marry the man. However, dating doesn't mean you don't take precautions. Even when a man claims to be a Christian, it doesn't mean he is following God. A simple rule is that you don't spend time at his place or he at your place when other people are not also there. Have plans for where you will be going and when you will return. Don't allow him to change the plans. If necessary, initially meet the person at the place you will be so you have a way back home if things sour.
If the man you are interested in marrying asks you if you are a virgin, give an honest answer. "Technically, no. I was raped as a child and I made a mistake once in dating the wrong type of man." A Christian gentleman will understand.
