Why does my boyfriend seem blind to our getting married?
Question:
Hello,
I've been dating for over five years. We lived together; we separated a few times and came back together. We started going to church and asked God to give us the blessing to get married, and it was granted. We were at the height of the pandemic and couldn't get the necessary documents. When everything returned to normal, he changed his mind, saying that I didn't want to get married. Since I was even making a list of things for the wedding, I never doubted that I wanted to marry him since I prayed for him for a long time.
We didn't get married. We moved back in together. He betrayed me many times, and I forgave him with all my heart. I don't hold a grudge about it; he will resolve it with God by himself. We are still together. Last year, he started going to church and didn't want me to go with him, but I started to go on my own. He went to a retreat and came back and said we had to get married. The next day, he said he had never said that and that I was deluded.
I also made mistakes in the relationship. I didn't cheat on him like he did on me, but I lied to him about something that had happened to me, and I wasn't comfortable telling him. He said he forgave me, but I feel he didn't. I have always dedicated myself to being a good wife and taking care of him. He took care of me in his own way, and I feel very loved.
I found out I was pregnant. He freaked out, broke up with me, and kicked me out of the house. I am praying to God that he will break this man's heart and things will become as they should be. I really want to get married, build this family with him, and follow the way of the Lord properly. But it seems that he is blind. He is not acting like he is normal. Doesn't God give us the blessing again? I don't want to live a life without God and a proper marriage.
Answer:
"Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:4-5).
You seem to want this relationship to work so badly that you are willing to ignore the truth.
The Bible is clear that God doesn't listen to the prayers of sinners (Psalms 66:18; John 9:31), but you have been living in sin for years. He wants you out of sin, and a marriage would be a step in the right direction, but you have chosen to continue in fornication because you would rather be with your boyfriend than be right with God.
Your boyfriend has repeatedly demonstrated that he doesn't have the qualities of a good husband. He has sex with other women besides you. He tells you one thing one day and something different the next day. He pretends to be religious while living like a heathen. He doesn't want to be seen at church with you. Worse, he has you convinced that this is all your fault. His actions clearly state that he has no intentions of marrying you.
Then, on top of every other sinful behavior he has engaged in, he threw you out of his house when he found out that you were carrying his child. This is a man who wants benefits without responsibility. That is why he doesn't want to get married or acknowledge his child.
However, you don't want to see any of this. Based on your behavior, I must conclude that you don't respect yourself. The guy has treated you horribly, and you blindly ignore it all. I can hope that he will change his life around, but I don't expect it to happen. However, you can change your life.
Stop sinning and lying to yourself that sin is alright. Become a true Christian, not one in name only. Learn your Bible, follow its teachings, and attend a church faithful to God's commands. Raise your child up in the ways of the Lord. Then, when your life is spiritually stable, look for a man who will help you live righteously.
"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces" (Matthew 7:6).
