Since my husband committed adultery in the past, can I remarry even though I’ve been sleeping with a man before I divorced my husband?
Question:
I was married at 20 years old. Two months after our marriage my husband admitted to making out with another woman and asked for a divorce. I dismissed his request as being childish and continued with the marriage. After a year of marriage, he admitted to making out with another woman plus he was very controlling and unloving. I had to work to provide for my family during my first pregnancy (honeymoon baby) because he would not work. A year and a half later I then decided to leave him.
After several months of separation, plus he took and sold our wedding bands, I decided to accept Him back due to pressure from my mother-in-law and lack of courage to fight him in court. (I feared leaving him alone with our child.) We were together for about a year and I left again due to abuse, only we continued to have sexual relations and I became pregnant again. Because I didn't want to be a single parent I took him back.
We were together about three years and he admitted to sleeping with another woman. I wanted to divorce him but gave him an ultimatum instead: stay faithful or leave. After that affair, I do not know of any further affairs. Only I have been very hurt and unhappy.
I left him for good because my family was in turmoil. Both my children became rebellious and turned from God, even though I raised them in church. One child at the time was using drugs and running away. I asked God what to do and the Holy Spirit lead me to where I live now. My son is doing much better and has given his life to Jesus. He is used mightily by God. My other child is doing better but is on her own. I feel she needs to be closer to God.
I have since filed for a divorce and have met another man. I will be honest and admit that I have been sleeping with him. I know it is wrong and I am trying to turn away. It has been hard for me. My question is: according to God's word, am I free to remarry?
Answer:
All his past incidences of adultery, while showing a pattern of misbehavior, does not factor into the matter because you took him back in. Though you left your husband, you did not divorce him until you found another man and started committing adultery with him. While you complain about how your children behaved, you are not leaving them a good example. "Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. But we know that the judgment of God is according to truth against those who practice such things" (Romans 2:1-2).
This divorce is not about your husband's past adulteries, which are past and forgiven. This is about your adultery and your desire to marry again. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). You don't have the right to another marriage because you are violating your marriage covenant.
