Notes on Disciplining Children

Purpose

Change in behavior

• Proverbs 6:23 "For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life"
• Proverbs 10:1 "A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the grief of his mother."
• Proverbs 17:21 "He who begets a scoffer does so to his sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy."
• Proverbs 17:25 "A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him."
• Proverbs 19:13 "A foolish son is the ruin of his father, and the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping."
• Proverbs 29:15 "The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."
• Proverbs 29:17 "Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul."

Sorrow for wrongdoing (developing conscience)

• Proverbs 23:13-14 "Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell."
• II Corinthians 7:8-11 "For even if I made you sorry with my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it. For I perceive that the same epistle made you sorry, though only for a while. Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter."

Demonstration of love and concern for the child's welfare

• Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."
• Hebrews 12:8 "But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons."
• Revelation 3:19 "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent."

Acknowledgment of wrong (developing humility)

• James 5:16 "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

Types

Rebuke, Reprove

• Leviticus 19:17 "You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him."
• Proverbs 17:10 "Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool."
• Proverbs 25:11-12 "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver. Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear."
• Proverbs 28:23 "He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterward than he who flatters with the tongue."
• Colossians 1:28-29 "Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily."
• I Timothy 5:20 "Those who are sinning rebuke in the presence of all, that the rest also may fear."
• II Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work."
• Titus 1:13 "This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith"

Spanking, Rod

See Disciplining of Children, Spanking

Confiscation of good or removal of privileges

• Jeremiah 5:7-9, 15-17 "How shall I pardon you for this? Your children have forsaken Me and sworn by those that are not gods. When I had fed them to the full, then they committed adultery and assembled themselves by troops in the harlots' houses. They were like well-fed lusty stallions; every one neighed after his neighbor's wife. Shall I not punish them for these things?" says the LORD. "And shall I not avenge Myself on such a nation as this? ... Behold, I will bring a nation against you from afar, O house of Israel," says the LORD. "It is a mighty nation, it is an ancient nation, a nation whose language you do not know, nor can you understand what they say. Their quiver is like an open tomb; they are all mighty men. And they shall eat up your harvest and your bread, which your sons and daughters should eat. They shall eat up your flocks and your herds; they shall eat up your vines and your fig trees; they shall destroy your fortified cities, in which you trust, with the sword."
• Ezra 7:26 "Whoever will not observe the law of your God and the law of the king, let judgment be executed speedily on him, whether it be death, or banishment, or confiscation of goods, or imprisonment."

Repayment, Restitution

• Exodus 22:1-6 "If a man steals an ox or a sheep, and slaughters it or sells it, he shall restore five oxen for an ox and four sheep for a sheep. If the thief is found breaking in, and he is struck so that he dies, there shall be no guilt for his bloodshed. If the sun has risen on him, there shall be guilt for his bloodshed. He should make full restitution; if he has nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft. If the theft is certainly found alive in his hand, whether it is an ox or donkey or sheep, he shall restore double. If a man causes a field or vineyard to be grazed, and lets loose his animal, and it feeds in another man's field, he shall make restitution from the best of his own field and the best of his own vineyard. If fire breaks out and catches in thorns, so that stacked grain, standing grain, or the field is consumed, he who kindled the fire shall surely make restitution."
• II Chronicles 36:20-21 "And those who escaped from the sword he carried away to Babylon, where they became servants to him and his sons until the rule of the kingdom of Persia, to fulfill the word of the LORD by the mouth of Jeremiah, until the land had enjoyed her Sabbaths. As long as she lay desolate she kept Sabbath, to fulfill seventy years."
• Isaiah 50:1 "Thus says the LORD: "Where is the certificate of your mother's divorce, whom I have put away? Or which of My creditors is it to whom I have sold you? For your iniquities you have sold yourselves, and for your transgressions your mother has been put away."

Shame or embarrassment

• Isaiah 47:3 "Your nakedness shall be uncovered, yes, your shame will be seen; I will take vengeance, and I will not arbitrate with a man."
• Jeremiah 13:26-27 "Therefore I will uncover your skirts over your face, that your shame may appear. I have seen your adulteries and your lustful neighings, the lewdness of your harlotry, Your abominations on the hills in the fields. Woe to you, O Jerusalem! Will you still not be made clean?"
• Jeremiah 23:40 "And I will bring an everlasting reproach upon you, and a perpetual shame, which shall not be forgotten."
• Daniel 9:7-8 "O Lord, righteousness belongs to You, but to us shame of face, as it is this day-to the men of Judah, to the inhabitants of Jerusalem and all Israel, those near and those far off in all the countries to which You have driven them, because of the unfaithfulness which they have committed against You. O Lord, to us belongs shame of face, to our kings, our princes, and our fathers, because we have sinned against You."
• Nahum 3:5-6 "Behold, I am against you," says the LORD of hosts; "I will lift your skirts over your face, I will show the nations your nakedness, and the kingdoms your shame. I will cast abominable filth upon you, make you vile, and make you a spectacle."

Imprisonment

• Numbers 14:33 "And your sons shall be shepherds in the wilderness forty years, and bear the brunt of your infidelity, until your carcasses are consumed in the wilderness."
• Ezra 7:26 "Whoever will not observe the law of your God and the law of the king, let judgment be executed speedily on him, whether it be death, or banishment, or confiscation of goods, or imprisonment."

Banishment

• Proverbs 14:32 "The wicked is banished in his wickedness, But the righteous has a refuge in his death."
• Ezra 7:26 "Whoever will not observe the law of your God and the law of the king, let judgment be executed speedily on him, whether it be death, or banishment, or confiscation of goods, or imprisonment."
• I Corinthians 5:13 "But those who are outside God judges. Therefore "put away from yourselves the evil person.""

Proper Application

Just

• Ezra 9:13 "And after all that has come upon us for our evil deeds and for our great guilt, since You our God have punished us less than our iniquities deserve, and have given us such deliverance as this"
• Psalm 141:5 "Let the righteous strike me; It shall be a kindness. And let him rebuke me; It shall be as excellent oil; Let my head not refuse it. For still my prayer is against the deeds of the wicked."
• Isaiah 65:6 "Behold, it is written before Me: I will not keep silence, but will repay-Even repay into their bosom"
• Jeremiah 30:11 "For I am with you,' says the LORD, 'to save you; Though I make a full end of all nations where I have scattered you, Yet I will not make a complete end of you. But I will correct you in justice, And will not let you go altogether unpunished.'"
• Nehemiah 9:33 "However You are just in all that has befallen us; For You have dealt faithfully, But we have done wickedly."
• James 1:19-20 "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Consistent

• Exodus 34:7 "keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children to the third and the fourth generation."
• Amos 3:2 "You only have I known of all the families of the earth; Therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities."
• Romans 2:8-9 "but to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness--indignation and wrath, tribulation and anguish, on every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek;"

Promptly

• Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."
• Proverbs 19:18 "Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on his destruction."
• Ecclesiastes 8:11 "Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil."
• Ezra 7:26 "Whoever will not observe the law of your God and the law of the king, let judgment be executed speedily on him, whether it be death, or banishment, or confiscation of goods, or imprisonment."

Appropriate

Choice

• I Chronicles 21:11-14 "So Gad came to David and said to him, "Thus says the LORD: 'Choose for yourself, either three years of famine, or three months to be defeated by your foes with the sword of your enemies overtaking you, or else for three days the sword of the LORD-the plague in the land, with the angel of the LORD destroying throughout all the territory of Israel.' Now consider what answer I should take back to Him who sent me." And David said to Gad, "I am in great distress. Please let me fall into the hand of the LORD, for His mercies are very great; but do not let me fall into the hand of man." So the LORD sent a plague upon Israel, and seventy thousand men of Israel fell."

Example

David's Sin with Bathsheba

• Rebuke: II Samuel 12:7-8 "Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! Thus says the LORD God of Israel: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more!"
• Rod: II Samuel 12:9-10 "Why have you despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in His sight? You have killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword; you have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the people of Ammon. Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife."
• Shame: II Samuel 12:11-12 "Thus says the LORD: 'Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun."
• Confiscation: II Samuel 12:14 "However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die."