How can someone like me make it to Heaven?
Question:
I wonder how someone like me could make it to heaven.
I see real Christians, and I'm not really anything like them. I always fall. I repeat the same sins over and over and over. My thoughts are not pure; I'm easily enticed. My faith is knowing that every word of God is true, then I reduce God to "how could He possibly do something like transport people to heaven or hell as soon as they die." Just as an example, being completely firm and leaving the fact that the Word is factual. My fear of God is more of a fear of punishment, not reverence or an appreciation, because I have almost forgotten the truth of Him. I do not know him the way you do. I am afraid to let go of all of my will. I know it requires suffering, and I feel too critical of other people's mistakes when I am trying not to make any.
I hope this makes sense. I don't know what kind of response I'm looking for. Maybe something encouraging, because I'm having incredible anxiety because I do not feel that I have entered through any narrow gate at this point.
Answer:
Going back to the facts often helps combat anxiety. "By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, 'I have come to know Him,' and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked" (I John 1:3-6). God isn't expecting you or me to be perfect because that is out of reach for every man (Romans 3:23). However, God does want His people to strive toward His teachings and not to be content to stay in sin.
This means you cannot compromise with the world and its ways. When you know you are doing something wrong, then you make an effort to change for the better. "If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth;
7 but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin" (I John 1:6-7). It isn't always easy, but we must try.
Another thing you need to avoid is comparing yourself to others. You don't know other people's thoughts or their past. You don't know the things they are struggling with. However, I can guarantee that everyone is struggling with something. So instead of asking if you are as good as another brother, ask if you are better than you were a few years ago; if so, you are making some progress.
Solomon said, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction" (Proverbs 1:7). That was a major problem with the Samaritans; they didn't believe God enough to be afraid of Him. "At the beginning of their living there, they did not fear the LORD" (II Kings 17:25). That you have fear of the consequences of what you are doing is a good sign, so long as that fear actually motivates you to make improvements.
There is a lesson that I think will help you: "Bless the Lord, O My Soul."
