I want to marry my boyfriend, but he doesn’t until he can afford a nice wedding
Question:
Hello,
I have something major I need guidance with, and I'd like to warn you in advance that you may find my situation rather unique. I am 25, and I have two beautiful children. I came to Christ two years ago, but just this past year I prayed and asked Jesus into my life. That experience within those first couple of weeks was awe-inspiring. I have never in my life felt so much at once.
Before I committed my life to God I was not at all a Christian, I was sadly far from it. I was raised in a home where God was not allowed, and I endured a lot of abuse. That life lead me down a path that if I had the choice, I would never walk again; or I would erase it altogether.
So getting down to business, I am with the father of my second child whom I am very very happy. He was the one who I believe opened the door for me to see the truth about life. He didn't intend to, but his devotion lead me to God, and I am so grateful that God blessed me with him. There is, however, a major problem with our relationship. Obviously, we have had premarital sex. I would like to stop and save that for marriage because I feel that I owe that to God first and foremost, but also to myself.
The thing is, he doesn't want to. He says he will support me in abstaining, but I feel the pressure when we have tried. We have since fallen into sin twice and both times I have felt terrible. I don't think I have done such a good job of expressing my concerns because my communication skills can come off rather intense. At the same time when thinking of how I have and how we are failing God, I can get pretty passionate with my expression of that fact to him. I have tried to explain to him that if we are to continue then he needs to marry me, but why buy the cow when you've already had the milk. I guess those are not his words, just my feelings.
What can I do to help us? Part of me says it's not right if he can't be my partner in abstaining, but I know he is the one. This is our only problem, even though it's big, I won't give up on us. He says he doesn't want to marry me without first buying me the ring I deserve and being able to pay for the wedding I deserve. I've told him those things don't matter to me as long as we get married in a church and devote ourselves to following God's will as a couple and a family. He insists that's how it has to be, but like I said he also doesn't support us abstaining with both his actions and words. Again where should I go from here? What can I do to make him understand and be my partner in this? I don't want to be the only one who is committed to this choice because the pressure is too heavy to carry alone.
Thank you in advance!
Answer:
"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13).
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
A part of becoming a Christian is repentance from past sins. "Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38). You knew you were committing fornication, yet you tell yourself that you are a Christian even while you remain in sin. "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:1-2). Since you have not died to sin, I don't see how you see can call yourself a Christian.
In regards to the man you are having sex with, he told you he won't marry you. His excuse is that he rather have the show than you. You need to put God first, even if it is going to hurt in the near term. Move out. Tell him you'll move back in when he says "I do" in a wedding ceremony.
You can't make someone do the right thing. All you can do is follow God yourself and encourage others to do the same. But you can't get your boyfriend to see that fornication is wrong when you regularly give in to it.
Question:
Thank you.
The things you have said I already know as far as scripture is concerned. In all honesty, I was content with not having sex it was him who made me feel bad for making that choice even though I know it is the right choice. I am concerned though about my kids if I do move out. I don't want to hurt them. I can take them with me but I don't want to uproot them from the environment they know and love.
Is there nothing else I can do?
Answer:
You can't force someone to marry you. If you want to reach heaven, you have to get serious about obeying God. Sometimes that means taking on a short-term hardship in order to make a longer-term gain. "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell" (Matthew 5:29-30). Jesus is not talking about physically maiming yourself. Instead, he is pointing out that sometimes extreme action is needed to avoid sin.
