I thought I loved a man, but I don’t. How do I break up?



Unknowingly I fell in love with a guy who is divorced. He is more than ten years older than I am. He divorced his ex because she was an unbeliever. She wanted to separate from him. The guy is near my home. He has struggled a lot in his life.

I was attracted (not physically) to him because he was studious, a musician, an athlete, and most of all he is a believer. Two years after his divorce, we had a small formal chat online, later shared numbers, and started telling about each other's interests, likes, and dislikes. He found me attractive and started telling me that he is in love with me and wants to marry me. I went with the flow and agreed without thinking much about what I committed to. I was happy because I had great peace. He has all qualities that I was looking for. I thought we matched well. I even thought this was a God-made pairing.

We decided to meet each other and when I met him, I am sorry to say that I didn't at all like his looks. I started hating him, and I don't want to be with him. I started praying to God not to keep him in my life. I don't want to marry him, but I believe that if I tell him the truth, he will be very much hurt. I went with him to his home. He kissed and hugged me, but I did not feel good about it. I know these all things before marriage are sins, but I didn't know what to do.

Later I told him that I do not love him. I told him that I can be his friend, but I can't love him. He said "Don't reject me. It is a God-made pairing. Don't go against God's will." He is getting very emotional and is not leaving me alone. But I don't like him. How can I be happy with someone whom I don't love? I like him as a person, but I don't want to marry him and I don't want to hurt him. What should I do? I have made a big mistake (sin). First of all, he has been betrayed by his ex, and if I reject him, is that like cheating on him? When I don't love him, how can it be a God-made pairing? How should I come out of this trap? Please help me.


Let's start with a basic principle. God doesn't choose your spouse for you. He tells us how to make a good choice in a spouse, but the actual choice is up to you. This man left his wife because she is not a Christian; yet, that leaving does not give him the right to a second marriage. Only when a divorce is due to the other spouse committing fornication does the person have a right to a second marriage (Matthew 19:9). If he marries again, it would be considered to be adultery and God never supports sin.

Of course, he is going to be unhappy when you break up with him. You can't avoid that, nor are you responsible for his happiness. The whole purpose of dating is to get to know someone well enough to make a good decision about whether you want to marry him or not. You decided you don't like him well enough to have him as a husband (besides the fact that it would cause you to sin if you did marry him). That is your choice. It takes two people, both agreeing to form a marriage. You'll have to be firm with him and probably will have to cut off all communication with him before he gets the hint.


Thank you so much, sir! I got an answer to my questions. God bless your ministry.

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