I think I’m beyond hope
Question:
Brother Jeffrey,
I am in my seventies. I keep having this "depression" that I've dealt with since High School. (By the way, I think depression is just a result of sin. After all, nobody in the Bible had a mental problem; it was just sin.) When I was young, I obeyed the Gospel, but I got caught up in the wrong crowd. I actually told God I didn't need Him at one time. I actually said something about the Holy Spirit.
Ever since those days, I have lived in fear of my soul being lost. I would get it off my mind with the general activities of life and making a living, but it's always been there. I base my fears on Hebrews 10:26-29; Hebrews 12:17; and Hebrews 6:6. Most of the time, the Hebrews 10 verses describe how I feel. To me, it's like I'm already getting my first taste of Hell. I fear my conscience has been seared. It's a weary dread.
My wife and others tell me it's the Devil trying to convince me that I can't be saved, but I think it's God's word telling me I'm beyond hope. I would think the Devil would be telling me how good I'm doing. I remain faithful in attendance at church. I try to worship, and I have been blessed to live to an old age, but I know I don't have that much time left. I'm not sure if I can ever receive God's forgiveness.
Thank you.
Answer:
So, you are telling me that you think Peter lied when he said, "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9). See "Are You Unforgivable?" You have decided that your sins are so bad that the Creator, who loves you, cannot overlook them, even though you have repented of your sins. I think you don't understand the extent of God's love. It might help to study "The Lord Your God is an Awesome God!"
It is odd that you think no one in the Bible had depression. Off the top of my head, I can think of Elijah, Job, Judas, David, and Saul. Some verses address depression, such as Proverbs 12:25. Other passages discuss anxiety, as seen in Philippians 4:6.
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