I have been happily married for about five years now. We have a child, who is two years old. My husband takes care of me really well. I have no complaints. He has been overseas for about a year now. I had a pretty good job and recently resigned. Now I am sitting at home preparing to take an exam.
During my working days, I never had time for anything. But these days I have a lot of time and have been browsing the Internet quite a bit.
I was in a really intimate relationship when I was a teenager. It lasted for almost five years, and it was my fault that it ended. I moved on with life. Sometimes I look at his Facebook profile and recently came to know that he is married and blessed with a child. I always owed him an apology, which I wanted to give him. I contacted him through a social media site and left him a message. He replied and we chatted for quite a long time. Eventually, we exchanged phone numbers and chatted. We decided to meet. We saw each other, held hands and realized that we did love each other a lot. He kissed me briefly.
He is settled in another country and was on a vacation with his family. He left yesterday. Now the guilt is killing me. I want to tell my husband about it, but that will be the end of my married life. I am not able to talk properly to my husband when he calls. I am almost in tears each time he talks to me. I don't have anybody to talk this through. I feel like ending my life and finishing this problem forever. I love my husband and will always do. This just happened.
I don't know what to do. Please help me.
First, you need to be honest with yourself. This didn't "just happened." You got caught up in a period of weakness brought on by boredom and your husband being absent. You've been fantasizing an old love, which should have been left in the past. Instead, you decided to contact him and relive the past. At least he showed some restraint. What you lusted for would destroy the lives of many people.
Another part of this problem is that you think it is only possible to love one man, which is clearly false. We have the ability to love many people, but there is only one we chose to enter a covenant to spend the rest of our days with. You chose the man you married, not this other man. Your old flame has his own family and you have yours. You both made your choices and you must honor your commitments.
Block his number and remove all contact information about him. While it is fine to keep track of old friends, you clearly took this beyond propriety. Then see about joining your husband. Being separated for so long is not good for either of you.
Don't tell your husband about your improper fantasies. You can mention that you met your old boyfriend while he was in the country with his family, and tell him that it made you realize how much you missed your husband. Destroying your marriage because you feel guilty is foolish. Be resolved to make your marriage the best it can be.