I had oral sex when I was younger, and now I feel I’ll be condemned to have a miserable marriage
I have a question. When I was in high school I was very socially shy and never had a boyfriend. I didn't really go to church because we were Catholic and my mom thought it was boring. At 19 I had my first boyfriend and one day we kissed, and I gave in and had oral sex with him. I was so closed off from the world that I really didn't think oral was real sex. It was one time, and I made him stop because I was so uncomfortable with it. At the time I thought it was OK because I at least hadn't lost my virginity (back then I thought only penetration was losing your virginity).
Now at 24, I have given my life to God and have stayed away from sexual sin. I only had that one time of oral. I don't even remember if he touched me or not with his mouth before I stopped him. Anyway, I feel really bad. I have asked God for forgiveness and I just feel condemned to a horrible marriage. I'm afraid I'll always live alone because of what I did. I can't even imagine the thought of telling my future husband or fiance (whoever he might be) that this happened. That's also another question, do you think I should have to tell him since I didn't have any penetration? I just feel so overwhelmed with this one sin. I feel dirty and I feel I could never be a true woman of God because I lost my virtue. It just makes me cry.
Please help me.
I'm puzzled that you think that God will hold a forgiven sin against a person to cause additional, unrelated problems. Hezekiah points out in his prayer, "Indeed it was for my own peace that I had great bitterness; but You have lovingly delivered my soul from the pit of corruption, for You have cast all my sins behind Your back" (Isaiah 38:17). It is true that some people's sins caused repercussions that God did not shield from them as punishment for their sins, but this does not mean that every sin that a person commits brings about future misery when that sin is abandoned.
For example, you claim that you feel you will be condemned to a horrible marriage and then in the next sentence say you'll be alone for the rest of your life. These are all born of your own imagination because God certainly did not say these were the consequences of sexual sins. You really need to stop assuming that your imaginary fears are the words of God.
You sinned. You got involved in sexual sin. But you also repented and left that sin behind. Isn't that all that matters? " "But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?" " (Ezekiel 18:21-23).
If the topic ever comes up with your future husband, you state the truth. You haven't had intercourse, though you once regretfully got too involved with a boy with you were younger. And then you leave it at that. No details, no mentioning of names. God cast your sins behind him and you should too.
One last thing I would like you to do is to read through What Must I Do to Be Saved? Far too many denominations no longer teach God's way to salvation accurately. If you find that you have not done all that God requires of you, then make corrections in your life. But don't waste your future regretting your past when you've already turned from it.