I feel like I failed God, and He is angry with me
Question:
Good day,
I hope you are well.
I love God, but I fear displeasing Him. I want to do right for Him. I'm a Christian. I am in my mid-twenties now. I was baptized at 12, but I got tangled in sin at 21 for about a year. I committed fornication, drinking, cursing, lying, and rudeness overall. I have always been a reserved person, but those things happened because of my first heartbreak. I felt lost and had no one to talk to, so I started living a life with no direction.
For about the last year or more, I stayed out of sexual sins. Recently, I decided to repent because I knew God was a God of forgiveness, but I felt ashamed, so I never repented earlier. I repented, and the pastor baptized me. I felt so happy and fulfilled.
I then met a guy at church. I thought he was going to be someone I'd like, but it turned out he was getting me back to exactly what I had escaped. I visited him last week just to spend time talking since I never get any off days from work. I thought he had a clean mind like mine. Later I was crying inside and breaking after he made me give into committing fornication. I never wanted it. I told him not to do anything. But right now, I feel distressed because of that sin. I feel dirty and heavy. I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
I feel like God is angry, and I have failed Him. I want to repent and be forgiven so that I feel free. Right now, I feel like I'm in bondage. I just want someone who can pray for me. I will never ever fall into such a trap. I want to break it off with the guy from church since I feel the basis of this relationship is not based on God's foundation but lust.
Please pray for me if you happen to get my email. I want only a prayer. Maybe it will lighten my heavy heart.
I tried to pray to God myself, but I felt so unworthy.
Answer:
Unfortunately, the wicked sometimes infiltrate the church. It ought not to be this way, but Christ stated that Satan will sow tares among the wheat (Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43). Later, in Revelation, we find several churches had problems with members involved in fornication (Revelation 2:14, 20-23). Thus, no one can completely let down their guard, even among brethren. Sadly, some wicked men pretend to be righteous to have access to women who are not as careful about whom they date.
The man you were seeing is worldly. You should dump him just like any other worldly man. In the future, you should consider the criteria for who you will date. You should also heed the warnings in the Scriptures and not give openings for sin to occur, such as being alone with someone you are not married to (Romans 13:12-14). What you should not do is take all the responsibility for the sin. It sounds like he had a major role in what happened, and while you do not say it, it almost sounds like he raped you. Such a man should be exposed to the church leaders to deal with his sins.
What confuses me is how you view repentance. Repentance is changing your mind about the acceptability of sin and changing your behavior so you do not sin. (See What Repentance Is Not and Repentance.) You describe yourself as leaving your sins for several years -- that is repentance. A failure doesn't mean you did not repent. You were snagged by sin, but you realize the problem and can move forward. "For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, but the wicked stumble in time of calamity" (Proverbs 24:16). Nothing is holding you back but yourself.
Response:
Good day
Thank you so much, minister. I have realized what repentance truly is, and I feel blessed and thankful. I will keep praying and do as you have said. I will always pray for every step I take in the future.
Continue being blessed. Thank you so much for your prayers. God bless you.
