I don’t know what else to do. If my boyfriend doesn’t come back, I think I will kill myself
Question:
I am 22 years and am a final year college student. I don't know much about this site and when I googled I got this link. I am writing this email seeking help.
First I am a Hindu, but I believe in Christ. I want something that convinces me and makes me believe that my life is OK. Right now all I think about is killing myself. Please somebody help me.
I was in a relationship for the past three years. And he ditched me. Even today I don't know the exact reason why he left me. He is a true believer. At first, since I was a Hindu Brahman I wasn't able to adjust to his Christian belief. But later I thought I had to adjust with him to be together, so I started believing in Jesus and started reading the Bible. These days I only believe in Jesus, I don't believe in any other statues.
We had gotten into a physical relationship. We were friends at first. We both had exes before. He had broken up with some girl, and I too was used before by my first ex. So we were sharing our sorrows and stories which mine was really bad because I trust everyone easily. I had a physical relationship with him too. I shared everything thing with him and told him I was really worried about my life. I always feel insecure. Later he told me he will be there with me always. He asked me to forget my past.
Later, when we got into a relationship, I was sure that he would never leave me because I didn't hide anything about my past. But he left.
When I was 12, I was abused. But somehow I escaped and didn't allow the abuser to penetrate me.
All these together I can't find any solution and really don't know anything more about the Bible. I thought at the end of this year I will talk with him for the last time and beg him. If he isn't ready I will kill myself. Sometimes I go into an abnormal state where I hurt myself by hitting my head against a wall.
Please help me. Please ask him not to leave me. I don't know anything. Forgive me if I had written something wrong. If you can give me a chance, I can write more. I have done mistakes but forgive me. Ask him not to destroy my peace. I wish somebody can keep me from killing myself. Thanks in advance.
Answer:
The purpose of Christianity is to teach people how to become OK both with God and their fellow men. It doesn't assume that a person is currently OK, but that all people can become OK if they are willing to follow God's teachings. " "Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, each according to his conduct," declares the Lord GOD. "Repent and turn away from all your transgressions, so that iniquity may not become a stumbling block to you. Cast away from you all your transgressions which you have committed and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! For why will you die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone who dies," declares the Lord GOD. "Therefore, repent and live"" (Ezekiel 18:30-32).
While the man you were with called himself a Christian, he did live not by the teachings of Christ. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Fornication is having sex outside of marriage, which is what you two did. God takes a very dim view of a person who leads another astray as this man did. "These are springs without water and mists driven by a storm, for whom the black darkness has been reserved. For speaking out arrogant words of vanity they entice by fleshly desires, by sensuality, those who barely escape from the ones who live in error, promising them freedom while they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by what a man is overcome, by this he is enslaved" (II Peter 2:17-19).
Fortunately, sins like these do not have to be permanent. People can and do change. After reminding the Corinthians that fornication can keep a person out of heaven, Paul went on to say, "Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11). That is why Jesus came into this world, he came not for the purpose of condemning the sinful but to rescue them from sin. "For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him" (John 3:17).
Suicide doesn't solve anything. It can't erase what happened. It can't absolve you of sins. It can't bring you to heaven. All it can do is bring you before God's judgment with your sins still with you. "It is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment" (Hebrews 9:27). The solution then is to rise above this problem and overcome it. Then you can live, not only in this life but also for all eternity. Jesus said, "and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand" (John 10:28).
What I would like you to do is read Why Be a Christian? and What Must I Do to be Saved? If becoming a child of God sounds appealing to you, let me know roughly where you are, and I will try to locate a church near you.
