My husband had us living in unreasonable circumstances. Was I wrong to move out on my own?
Question:
I have an issue I really need divine spiritual insight for. My story is long.
I am currently living without my husband under the same roof, I left him when he got verbally abusive one night in front of our two children. This particular night he got into one of his rages and said I had the devil in me and that he’d see me burn in hell all in front of the children.
He has been a Christian for a few years. I rededicated my life to Jesus around about the same time he gave his life to Jesus. You see, I was brought up in a Christian home, but I had backslidden. I met my husband and went out with him against my mother's wishes. We were married a few years later.
After I had committed my life to Jesus, one of my children was diagnosed with leukemia. My husband is convinced that he got it from glass batt insulation that was in our household dust. After the initial intensive treatment that was just harrowing and a real test of our faith, (my husband gave his life to Jesus at this time), we finally were able to go home, but my husband told me that we were not to live in the house anymore.
We got another vehicle, but couldn't afford it, as we still had to pay off the mortgage. Then a friend gave us his huge bus that was self-contained. It was squishy but still OK, but then my husband saw insulation behind the wall and told us we had to get out.
My husband built a little makeshift room on the verandah of our house for us to live in. It was smaller than the bus, no room to move, and no proper plumbing. Then we bought some polyester batts and started to replace the glass batts so that we could at least live in a quarter of our home. We cleaned out this part of the house, vacuumed, sealed around the edges, wiped down, bought new beds, and new bedding. We were fastidious! But my husband was still convinced the glass batts were getting in, so we went from sleeping in this part of the house to eventually sleeping on our verandah in a garden shed. This was so stressful for me and our children, especially with our sick child. Then our school got a new building. After my husband went to inspect it, he said there was an insulation problem there too, which there was. It was exposed in the ceiling, but when the school fixed the problem it was not to my husband's specs. So my husband pulled our boys out of school and I had them 24/7.
I don’t think my husband honestly knew how stressful it was for me with the children in a room 24/7, the size 1 meter by 2 meters. When he would get home from work, he would just go down to his shed to work on his Harley Davidson. He would go away on rides too.
So anyway, we had a terrible situation, and I had to leave. I went to stay at my mother's home. I was there for five weeks and at that time I was a mess. I applied for government aid as a single parent so I could support myself and the children.
I was torn between the fact that I forgave my husband and returning to him and going back to that verandah with the children again. I ended up renting a house in the township I used to live in. My husband comes around every day, I make meals for him every night, I have totally forgiven him, but now what do I do? He does not want to sell the house. We owe a fortune on it, but we could sell it, pay off the mortgage and still have enough to buy a modest home in town. I am totally committed to the Lord. I know my real home is in heaven. I just want us together. However, he does and always has had a bad temper. It’s very scary. I try not to say anything that might set him off. Romantically there is nothing on my part. I have prayed earnestly to the Lord to make me desire him again. I still give him full rights to my body, as my body is not my own. He only sleeps at my place about three times a week but visits every day.
Am I then disobeying the Lord for separating? I will not divorce and neither will he. As I said I give him my body when he wants it, even though I get no pleasure from it. In fact, I silently cry afterward as I feel it is only lust or a release for him, and I am numb without any desire or happiness.
I just want to live for the Lord. I want to live in the Spirit. This is the gift I have prayed for: to love, unconditionally, without expectations from others.
Will I miss the rapture for living separately from my husband?
I so need your godly advice.
Answer:
It seems your husband made a mess of his life because he is chancing after speculations instead of dealing with facts. There is nothing connecting leukemia with fiberglass bats. This is something that your husband completely made up. Leukemia is a genetic disease that is triggered by unknown causes. It has been around long before fiberglass was used in insulation. Your husband has developed an irrational fear based on his own imagination.
The living conditions he expected from his family are not reasonable. Nothing in the Scriptures demands that you must follow him in his paranoia. Establishing your own home was a reasonable response to his problems. You have children to raise properly.
I would strongly urge him to get counseling for his anger issues and his paranoia. His behavior is very similar to someone who is using drugs.
I assume that he is at least still financially supporting his family. Applying for government aid as if you were a single parent was not honest.
You can't sell the house without your husband's consent, so there is no purpose in talking about what he refuses to accept. It appears that it is his choice not to live with you because of the choices he made. There is no reason to blame yourself for his poor choices.
You choose to live for God independent of your husband. You focus on doing what is right. He must make up his own mind. Committing your life to Christ is just the beginning of following Jesus as your Lord. See What Must I Do to be Saved?
There is no rapture in the Bible. See The Ruse of the Rapture.
Question:
I applied for the single parent pension because I honestly thought at the time that I was not going back to him for some time. In my country, if you leave your spouse for whatever reason, even if you don't divorce, you can claim this benefit. What happened between us was verbal and physical. There was no way I could support myself and the children without the pension. My husband is expected to pay child support but can't afford this. I help him out with some bills. He pays me when he can. I have only just put my children in school since my child was diagnosed. My husband does not use drugs -- he doesn't even smoke -- but the fear and paranoia sound right.
Thank you for your help.
Answer:
I would recommend encouraging your husband to get counseling. Irrational fears that are followed to the point of harming or causing discomfort to those you love need to be dealt with.
