How do I stop having sex with a guy I’m not married to?
Question:
I am a young girl in college. At the beginning of this year, I met a guy and we both fell in love with each other. We started dating, and after a few months, the guy started showing interest in sex by asking questions like when do you want to have sex? I told him that I would like to have sex after getting married, and he did not mind my answer.
However, one night we had sex, and I felt bad that I disgraced God. I asked for forgiveness but continued fornicating. A few months later the guy told me that he dated me while still dating someone, but they broke up. I wanted to end with him, but I could not because I had given him my virginity. We continued dating but still having sex.
Then one night after he heard a message from one pastor about fornication, he asked me if we could stop having sex. I was so happy to agree and ready to start over with my relationship with God. However, a week later we had sex again. I don't like doing it, but it's like I am not able to resist because every time he touches me I feel like doing it. He now uses that as an advantage. I want to know how can I get him to stop touching me because I love him and want to be with him forever.
One day we got married on a social networking site, but it was not a real marriage as it was not physical. But we had witnesses and vows were exchanged. So I also want to know if we can call that marriage or not. Are we fornicating or not because we are married?
Answer:
Somewhere in your life, you are going to have to start accepting responsibility for your decisions. Right now you spend a lot of time pretending and not looking at the world as it really is. You can see things are messed up, but you hope someone else will fix it.
"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
I need to be blunt, your fooling around is jeopardizing your salvation. Your boyfriend isn't responsible for getting you to heaven. He can be encouraging or a hindrance, but whether you reach the reward is up to you, not him. "So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12).
You haven't been paying much attention to what is going on around you. You've been seeing only what you wanted to see. You allowed a man whom you did not know to have sex with you. I can say this because while he was having sex with you he was also having sex with another woman, and you were completely unaware that he was seeing another woman.
When you did find out, instead of breaking up, you lied to yourself that you had to continue because he was the first man you had sex with. What does that have to do with throwing a bum out?
You also lied to God because while you asked God to forgive your fornication, you didn't change. You continued to do what you knew was wrong. "You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:3-4).
I'm glad this boy started at one point to feel guilty about what he has been doing, but neither of you makes an effort to actually get yourselves right with God and each other. Instead, you keep using each other for your own personal gratification. Your whole relationship now revolves around sex -- you really don't know who the other person is. You call it "love," all you really have is lust.
Then there is the lie that you've both told each other when you pretended to get married. No, it wasn't witnessed vows. On the Internet, anyone can pretend to be someone else. A true witness needs to be physically present to be able to testify that vows were actually exchanged. Nor is this a marriage covenant. There was no record of the covenant. What you did has no legal standing. It was just playing to make you feel a bit better about having sex with a guy. If you want to get married, then go down to the courthouse and get married. But until you get married, stop pretending that sex is somehow justified.
