How do I keep temptation at bay just before my wedding?


I am in need of your advice.

I am in my early twenties. I grew up in a church and learned at a young age that I should wait until I got married before I had sex. When I was saved in my teens, I took a pledge that I would wait. However, when I meet my fiance two years ago I knew from the first date that we would be together forever.

My fiance was a newly saved Christian when we first started dating. He was just starting to understand that sex was for a husband and wife. He told me early in our relationship that he was married once before. The marriage only lasted less than a year, and that while he was in high school he was very "popular with the ladies." So I knew from the very start that sex would be a temptation for him. But he told me that if things ever seem to go too fast to let him know, and we could slow it down.

After dating for a while, one afternoon we were in his bedroom 'making out,' when I was caught up in the emotions, and I asked him if he had a condom. He took the statement that I was ready to move to the next step, and before I had time to process what was going on we had sex. I didn't tell him I was a virgin until after we had sex. I could tell from the expression on his face that he knew we made a mistake. We made a promise to wait till we got married to have sex again. It's been two years since we had intercourse. But still 'fool' around. Every time we 'fool' around, we both feel horrible about what we have done, but we can never seem to say "NO!"

We are planning on getting married in a month. We keep telling each other that we have to stop 'fooling' around, but we still fall into temptation. Each time I ask God to forgive me. But my question is even though I know I am sinning, and I repeat my sins, will God still forgive me? And what can we do to keep us from the temptation of sexual relations?


I hope that your fiance's past marriage ended because his former wife was committing adultery. If the marriage ended for other reasons, he isn't eligible to marry again. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). His past indiscretions with women make me concerned that his marriage ended because he wasn't faithful to his marriage vows.

In regards to your past sin of fornication, you both were responsible, and you should accept your parts in the events. On his part, he made you the gatekeeper. He was willing to go as far as you wanted to go, which means he had no qualms about having sex outside of marriage even after his conversion. That was wrong because a man is responsible for his behavior. The fact that he had a condom available means he had plans for sex. The fact that you asked if he had a condom means you were expecting him to be willing and prepared. It isn't right to push off your invitation to have sex totally on him. Matters when farther than you intended when you weren't sexually aroused. But this event wasn't unexpected by either of you. You did know what was going on.

In a sense, you are like children who play with fire and then are shocked that you got burned. I'm glad you realized your mistake and stopped the sex, but you continue to play with the fire. "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29).

What you continue to do is sin by lust. Lust is arousing strong desires for something that is not proper. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). The problem is that you are making opportunities to misbehave. The rule ought to be that you only are with your fiance when there are other people around. There should be no going over to either your place or his place when there is no one else around. It is the fact that you were isolated in his bedroom that the temptation to both get involved in lewd behavior and eventually fornication overtook you. Such would not have happened if you were in a place where other people were present.

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