How do I get forgiveness for having sex with a prostitute?
Question:
Thank you very much for your answer, I am glad to see your mail. I am thankful to you for that. I will give a brief introduction about me: I am basically from a Hindu family but started believing in Christ four years ago. As I started believing in Christ, I have had disagreements with my family, but I am continuing my faith in our Lord. I have read some of the question and answers from the link you've mentioned.
I would like to confess my sin. I am a bachelor working in a foreign country. As I am alone and because of sexual desire, I have sinned: I had sex with a prostitute. After that I really feel ashamed of what I did. Now my conscience pricks me because of my unlawful act. I never wanted to do the same again. I feel bad when I think of my parents. What will I tell them, as they trust in me? Will the Lord forgive this sin and accept me? What is the price of this sin?
Please pray for me, brother.
Answer:
You are past the most difficult part of any sin; that is, recognizing and admitting that you have done something wrong. Far too many people would rather deny that they sinned or find an excuse to make the sin seem not so bad. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us" (I John 1:8). What this means is that you are no different than any other person on this earth. Your sins might not be the same sins that I have committed, but we have all sinned. "Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned ... Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who had not sinned according to the likeness of the transgression of Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come" (Romans 5:12, 14).
It is because of sin that God sent His Son into the world. Through thousands of years of history, mankind has demonstrated that we are not able to deal with the problem of sin. We keep slipping up. "For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life" (Romans 5:6-10).
I'm am happy to hear that you have turned your life toward God these last four years. However, I need to ask some questions because too many do not teach the full truth regarding salvation. I suspect much of this comes from Satan who doesn't want people saved. If he is able to convince people that only doing a part of God's commands is good enough, he is able to keep a lot of people out of heaven. I would like you to take your Bible and go through all the passages listed in the chart "Things that Accompany Salvation." If there is anything you don't understand, please write to me and ask. Normally, I sit down with people such as yourself and work through the passages with them, but since distance makes this difficult, we will have to settle for a slower approach. If there is anything that you have not done, related to salvation, that these passages teach you must do, then the first thing you need to do is correct what is missing. None of them are hard in and of themselves, but God said they are each important to truly become His child.
If you haven't been baptized (immersed in water in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit -- Matthew 28:19-20), then accomplishing that final act with all the other steps will remove your past sins, including your sexual sin (Acts 2:38-39; 22:16; Romans 6:3-7).
If you have done all that the Lord requires to become His child, then you need to go to your heavenly Father in prayer to confess your sins and to ask for forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).
Next, we need to address the physical consequences of your sin. The spiritual aspects are more important, but the physical is still a concern. Prostitutes are exposed to many diseases and can rapidly spread them to others. You need to see a doctor and ask him to check that you have not picked up a sexually transmitted disease. You need to do this even if you don't have any symptoms because many of the sexually transmitted diseases have no noticeable symptoms -- until too much damage is done.
Finally, we should address why you fell for this particular temptation. It sounds as if you have a fairly good handle on the problem. You noted that it was a combination of sexual desire and loneliness. Let's look at this objectively. While the act of sex gave your body physical release, did it do anything for your desire? The obvious answer is "no." The desire is still there; therefore, a prostitute doesn't bring about a true solution to the problem. What about your loneliness? Here we could say that absolutely nothing was done. A prostitute sounds friendly enough but all she is interested is in your money. Thus she limits her time with you and once the act is over, she is on to the next paying customer. "For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread; and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life" (Proverbs 6:26). What I hope you see is that while your needs are legitimate, the method Satan presented to you to fulfill those needs were empty, hollow substitutes.
You're lonely, so look for companions. Go to church and get involved with the people there. Perhaps you will meet a nice girl who will capture your heart. That will solve your loneliness like nothing else will (Ecclesiastes 9:9). Marry her and your sexual desires will be satisfied for the rest of your life (Proverbs 5:18-23). That is the way God intended life to be.
Question:
Should I confess to my parents and to someone whom I marry?
Answer:
"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16).
The telling of others about our sins is a request for help. In the case mentioned above in James, it is the desire of the sinner to have righteous men to pray to God on his behalf. Implied is the idea that our sin did damage to this righteous man, so we admit our fault to him to gain his forgiveness and he, in turn, prays to God with us for our forgiveness from God. You can see this in several Old Testament accounts.
Abimelech took Sarah, Abraham's wife, to be his wife not knowing that she and Abraham were married. Despite his ignorance, what he did was still a sin. "And God said to him in a dream, "Yes, I know that you did this in the integrity of your heart. For I also withheld you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not let you touch her. Now therefore, restore the man's wife; for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you shall live. But if you do not restore her, know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours"" (Genesis 20:6-7). Abimelech's sin did damage to two persons: God and Abraham. God stated that He would forgive, but Abimelech had to first repair the damage he did to Abraham by asking for Abraham's forgiveness and seeking Abraham's prayers on his behalf.
Job's friends are another case. They came to Job with the idea of helping him in his distress, but they gave him really bad advice. "And so it was, after the LORD had spoken these words to Job, that the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, "My wrath is aroused against you and your two friends, for you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has. Now therefore, take for yourselves seven bulls and seven rams, go to My servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and My servant Job shall pray for you. For I will accept him, lest I deal with you according to your folly; because you have not spoken of Me what is right, as My servant Job has."" (Job 42:7-8). Again, the damage done by their sin was both to God and to Job. God made His forgiveness conditional on their seeking Job's forgiveness.
What would have happened if Abraham or Job had refused to forgive? It is speculation on our part, but Jesus told us that our personal forgiveness is based on our ability to forgive others of their sins against us. "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 7:14-15).
Forgiveness by another removes the obligation we owe to that person. Forgiveness by God removes the debt we incurred to God by our sins. But forgiveness will not remove our memory of what we did. For example, Paul makes mention several times that he was a murderer in his past (Acts 26:9-11; I Corinthians 15:9; Galatians 1:13; Philippians 3:6; I Timothy 1:15). It is not that Paul was unable to forgive himself. Paul was amazed that God would see fit to forgive someone who was so sinful. God wants us to have the right attitude toward sin. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart - these, O God, You will not despise." (Psalm 51:17). Our service to God is colored with our sense of shame for what we have done and our thankfulness that God has seen fit to overlook them.
Our sins ought to bother us. We don't ever want to become so calloused to sin that it doesn't affect us (I Timothy 4:1-2). It is the wicked who have no shame because of their sin (Zephaniah 3:5). But David told us, "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered." David is not advocating protecting the sinner in his sins, but protecting the repentant believer from the shame of his sins. Yes, I have commit errors in my past, but why bring those errors up over and over again? If I have done as God had asked in confessing my faults, then it is time to leave the faults behind and press on to better things. "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).
You sinned by committing fornication with a prostitute. As with every other sin, you must ask yourself who you have damaged by your sin. "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "the two," He says, "shall become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:15-18). The primary ones harmed by your sin was God and yourself. You've asked God for forgiveness, now it is time to accept His forgiveness and move on in life.
Should you tell your parents? Did harm come to them? Will word of what you did make its way back to them, causing them shame? If you cannot see harm coming to them directly or indirectly to them due to your sin, then why burdened them with your guilt? All I can see happening, as a result, would be damage to your relationship with them. But the idea of forgiveness is to bring healing, not further damage.
Should you tell your future spouse? Again, the question is whether your sin causes her harm. For example, if you in your foolish action picked up Herpes, an incurable sexually transmitted disease, then yes you owe a person you are considering marrying an explanation. She will have a difficult decision to make because marrying you means she will be exposing herself to Herpes. She has to decide whether she wishes to risk disease to be married to you. But, if you were fortunate in not picking up a disease, then what you did was history. You will have things to struggle with as you must not compare your sexual experience with your wife in any way, but why burden her with your problems? Love is built on trust (I Corinthians 13:4-8). Should you start a life together with others by undermining that very trust? If you have completely repented of your sin, knowing you will never walk that path again, why put doubt in your wife's mind? The damage was to you. It is your burden to bear, though that burden is lightened when you know that God has forgiven you of your sin.
One day, when you are old and gray, you will find yourself talking to a young man about the dangers of prostitution. He might admit to you that he has already fallen into the trap and doesn't know if he can ever get out. Then, you can tell him of your life, how you fell into the same trap and how the Lord brought you out, forgiving you and giving you a beautiful, loving wife. You can assure him that he can leave his sin behind if he turns his life over to God and receive the Lord's forgiveness. You know this because you lived this. Then this confession of sin will do good and not damage. Don't use your weakness to cause further damage, especially to those you love.
