How can I know why my boyfriend was divorced?
Question:
Hi,
I'm a member of the church of Christ and my boyfriend became a member a few months ago. We have been seeing each other for a year and a half. He told me that he was married before, but they were only married for about two months before they filed for a divorce. He's incarcerated and the woman he was married to was married before. I asked him what was the cause of the divorce and my boyfriend told me that she said that her then-husband use to cheat on her and use drugs and beat her that's why she divorced him.
My boyfriend stated that while they were married, he heard that she was cheating on him from some people that he knew. Now I'm worried because I truly love this man. I have never been married, and I want to marry him and have kids, but I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to. I have no proof if she got a divorce from her first husband for the reasons my boyfriend told me. I don't know what to do? She divorced my boyfriend because of an incompatibility of temperament. But if she divorced her husband because he cheated on her, and it's the truth, then she was free to get married in God's eyes. My boyfriend said that some of the people that he knew said that she was cheating on him, and they saw her commit this act, but he has no proof because he's incarcerated right now. If she did cheat on him and that's why he wanted a divorce, but he couldn't file it because of being incarcerated. If she did cheat on him, did God automatically divorce them?
Please help me!
Answer:
The marital status of his former wife does not factor into this situation. One of the reasons she left her first husband was because of his marital unfaithfulness; therefore, we assume that her second marriage to your boyfriend was valid. Your boyfriend claims that this woman was cheating on him, but all you have is third-hand rumors.
What I suggest doing is talking either to his first wife or these friends of his that say they saw her with some other man. Simply ask the question. At worse, you could hire a private investigator to dig into these past events, so that you have information from a disinterested third party.
There is no such thing as an "automatic divorce." There is no requirement by God that a person has to divorce. Divorce is allowed that permits remarriage if it is because of fornication (sexual unfaithfulness). If she left him because she was with another man, it doesn't matter what was officially put in the divorce papers; what matters is what happened. Right now your only source of information is a man who is in jail. The possibility that he isn't being honest with you is too high to ignore. I hope he does prove to be honest for your sake, but you first have to prove his honesty. "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world" (I John 4:1).
What bothers me more is that you have been dating a man who has been in jail the whole time you've known him. He's recently become a Christian, but this too is while he is in jail. The plain fact is that people have a strong tendency to act one way while in jail and a different way when they are free. You did not state why he is in prison, nor when he is expected to leave prison. I hope he does remain an improved person, but I strongly urge you not to commit to this man until at least a year after he leaves prison. He needs to prove himself to be a good husband, a good provider, and a changed man.
