Does the number of sexual partners make a difference?
Question:
Hello,
I was wondering about body count, as in multiple sexual partners. There have been recent talks about it, so I might as well ask since it has bothered me a bit.
There have been videos and posts of people being proud of their body count, but there have also been several posts and videos of people being greatly opposed to it (as they should be).
Recently, a promiscuous lady converted to Christianity, but the reactions were rather divisive. Some say they are joyful that she converted, some people say the same but wouldn't date her because she is run-through, and others believe she is a grifter.
I also went to a Christian forum asking if a woman has had a promiscuous past but later repents to Christ, would a man marry her? The answers were divisive. Many men would rather date a virgin than someone who is run-through.
I noticed a few things about people caring about body count with these views:
- The higher a person's body count, the lower their value may be. A few compared people with higher body counts to a car. Basically, the more used the car is, the less valuable it is. That is how they view certain people.
- Speaking of value, I am not sure if you have heard of high-value men and women, but it's happening in the dating circle or market (I'm not sure if it is new). Body count somewhat plays a factor in that.
- Adding to the first point, people with high body counts are like people with criminal records.
- If a person, particularly a woman, repents her sins and is forgiven, that is great, but she lost the privilege of marrying and will have difficulty finding a husband. I know a lady who regretted losing her virginity, repented, and remained celibate, but someone told her to stay single forever because she lost that privilege.
- The higher the body count, the more likely the married couple will divorce, or whoever has the higher body count will cheat.
I could go on, but those are the points I could think of so far. I understand that virginity is very important, especially when saving yourself for marriage. After all, fortification is a sin. I also understand that people have preferences, so I can see why some wouldn't want to date someone who has had a past (STDs, jealousy, etc). I know some who are virgins and would want their lovers to be virgins. However, at the same time, I feel bad for people who have high body counts, especially those who repented to Christ but are told that they will have to stay single or will have a hard time getting married.
It's been bothering me because I thought we could look past people's past when they become new. After all, we are sinners and will never be perfect, but God forgives and wants people to change. I'm not saying we should force ourselves to date someone who has had a sexual past, but we shouldn't dehumanize them. Maybe I am missing something.
So, in the Bible, does body count matter when planning to marry someone? Will it affect your married life?
I ask you this because I believe you have strong biblical values and seem helpful, but answer this when you have the time. Thank you for all you do.
Question:
I will avoid using the phrase "body count" because it objectifies relationships.
When people start approving of sin, you find inconsistencies in their moral stances. For example, people place arbitrary points at which an abortion can take place because they are ignoring the fact that taking a human life is murder. What you are seeing is a result of society's acceptance of fornication. They accept some fornication, but they place arbitrary limits. One or two partners are tolerated, but not ten or twenty. Men can have multiple partners, but women are expected to only have a few or none. I've had messages from men who have committed fornication, but they only want to marry a virgin.
Fornication is sinful, and there are reasons God designated it as wrong. Multiple sex partners increase the chances of contracting diseases. Those diseases can prevent a person from having children, which is one reason people want to marry. They can also limit how long a person might live. Then there are the spiritual problems. People with no restraint on their sexual partners tend to "solve" problems by changing partners. They don't learn to work through difficulties. As a result, divorce rates are far higher because there is less commitment.
A person who jumps from one sexual partner to another is focused on his own pleasure. There is no building of a relationship where you really get to know a person. Such an attitude destroys marriages.
Even when people can't articulate the problems, they know that they exist, which is why they avoid people with a history of multiple sexual partners. In other words, sins carry consequences, even after a person leaves the sins behind.
True Christians know that people can and do change radically when they become children of God (I Corinthians 6:9-11). However, we have all encountered people who claim to follow Christ but don't live a Christian life (Matthew 7:15-20). Even when you are certain that a person has changed, you will run into people who don't want to put in the extra effort required to overcome a marriage partner's bad past. Not that it can't be done. For example, one of the ancestors in Jesus' lineage is Rahab, the Harlot. She married Salmon, the father of Boaz, who married Ruth. Here is a woman who radically changed and became an example of faith.
Even when some refuse to consider a woman who changed, it doesn't mean there are no potential marriage partners. The problem of fornication is a male and female problem. Both males and females have left sinful lives to walk the narrow path. These are more likely to be willing to overlook the past and focus on who a person is. Ideally, everyone is a virgin on their wedding day, but given the pervasiveness of sexual sins in modern society, the odds of finding someone without a sexual past get increasingly difficult.
