Do you tell others about your sins they know nothing about?
Question:
Hello!
I have a question, and it’s kind of been bothering me for a while. When the Bible mentions Matthew 5:23-24, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Does that mean we must tell others about our sins that they know nothing about?
I’m a female in my twenties who is struggling with sexual sins. I’ve tried again and again to get out of this sin since I was a preteen. At the young age of 11-12 or so, this 19-year-old guy pressured me into having sex. It went on for a year. I now know it’s called grooming.
I need help.
Answer:
I'm puzzled why you think Matthew 5:23-24 requires people to tell their parents all their deepest, darkest sins. Matthew 5:23-24 deals with situations where you know someone is mad at you, perhaps justly because you harmed them somehow by your sin. The implication is that the brother knows he is mad, and he knows why he is mad.
In your case, you've been committing sexual sins. These are sins against yourself. "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:19). You have not harmed your parents. You are harming yourself because you don't have respect for who you are.
What the 19-year-old guy did was wrong. It is called "statutory rape" in most countries because the legal laws recognize that a young person is not capable of making an informed decision about serious things like sex. Whether the young person agrees or not, in the eyes of the law, it is automatically treated as if the older person committed rape. Your parents did not handle the situation properly, but it isn't something that most parents expect to happen to their children, and many don't know what to do.
Unsurprisingly, you also didn't handle it well. Children who are exposed to sex prior to puberty become filled with conflicting emotions as they develop into adulthood. In your case, it led you to think that physical acts of sex are "proof" of being wanted and loved. Yet, for many men, sex is something done, and "love" is the only word said to get a girl to let you have sex with her. I suspect you've learned this the hard way over the years.
Your sexual sins are not about making your parents unhappy. They are unhappy because they want you to respect yourself and reach heaven. People who live their lives in sexual sins won't make it to heaven (I Corinthians 6:9-10). The real problem is your relationship with God. It is to the Lord that you need to talk about your problems and repent of your sins. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).
Sexually touching another person is a sin (I Corinthians 7:1). Watching pornography is a sin (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). All sins cause harm, so trust what God says and give up your sins. If you feel that the temptation to commit sexual sins is too strong, then move your marriage date up. "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).
Whether you are a Christian depends on whether you have obeyed what God commanded. (See How to Become a Christian.) Whether a person falls back into sin doesn't change the fact that he has entered into a permanent covenant with the Lord. We ought not to sin. And a Christian's sins will keep him out of heaven, just like a non-Christian. However, Christians have the right to approach God and ask for forgiveness after making changes so as to stop sinning.
