Do I need to tell my parents about my sins?
Question:
Hello!
I’m writing out for advice on what to do.
I am a female in my twenties. I have a boyfriend and we had sinned sexually previously. We felt so much guilt and knew it was wrong. We went with our pastor and he gave us advice. He told us to talk it out honestly, and he recommended we get married one day.
Here’s the thing. He told me not to tell my parents because we are both adults and to not cause further pain to my parents. I’ve had a struggle and previous history with sexual sin that my pastor and my parents know about. He told me to take my boyfriend to meet my parents and to court me formally which he has since done. He has gone to my house. My parents and family seem to love him. We have abstained from sex. Of course, our pastor told us it was wrong and there is forgiveness in the Lord if we repent and turn from our sins.
I’m just worried it affects my salvation, if my prayers are blocked, or if it’s wrong to not tell my parents. I don’t want to furthermore hurt or damage the trust they now have in my boyfriend either.
Thanks.
Answer:
There is no requirement in the Scriptures that your sins have to be confessed to a particular person. We are encouraged to talk to brethren about our struggles so that they can pray for us and encourage us. "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much" (James 5:16).
So, while you don't need to tell your parents about your sexual sins, you also cannot lie about them either. Given that you've struggled with fornication in the past, the topic may come up and you have to be prepared to be open about your sins. For instance, you can say, "Unfortunately, yes, we fell into sin when we first met but we went to the pastor about it, and with his advice and encouragement we stopped having sex. We haven't had sex since and we are committed to waiting until we get married." In this way, you are not hiding your sins but you are also not going out of your way to make people uncomfortable. You should also talk about this with your boyfriend so that if it does come up, he has time to think about what he should say.
And if you two are in love with each other, then you should be working toward getting married. Having a plan and a date makes it easier to resist the temptation to have sex again because you know when the endpoint will arrive.
Response:
Hello there!
I want to thank you very much for your advice and for taking the time to reply to my concerns. I will definitely take your advice.
May the Lord keep blessing you.
