Do I need to tell future boyfriends that I sinned sexually in the past?
Question:
Hi,
I am 29 years old. I came to know Jesus when I was 15. I have waited almost half of my life to have a boyfriend because I don't want to miss God's plan for my life. However, I met a guy who has a different faith, and we had been together for over two years. He had a sexual affair with his first girlfriend who was before me. I told him before my standard in purity, yet I compromised because I was so blinded by my love for him. We committed fornication but it did not go far to penetration because I was always thinking he was not my husband yet and wanted to really just give it to my future husband. But I feel so guilty that even if I didn't give in my virginity to him. I had already permitted him to see, kiss, and touch my private parts.
Eventually, we broke up for so many reasons, such as our relationship is dishonoring God and he can't bring our relationship to the next level. Although I know God has forgiven me when I repented. I also prayed for any soul ties that bonded us. I am confident that Jesus still loves me and there's nothing I can do that will make Him love me more or less. I just know He loves me. If not He will just let me be miserable in that mud.
But what grieves me right now is I feel like there's no guy who will ever love me once they found out what happened to me. Or should I even bother to tell my future husband about it? If so, when is the best time to say it (courting stage or once you are committed?) Or else I am just going to be forever single, so I won't bother with this, but I don't want that to happen because I don't want to grow old alone. I've been alone ever since because I am an only child.
Please help me with this. Thank you.
Answer:
While you might think that it was his prior girlfriend's fault that he is no longer a virgin, his behavior with you proves that he was responsible for what happened in both cases. You should have dumped him when he first touched you inappropriately, but there is nothing that can be done about the past now.
Feelings are not facts. Feelings are often wrong (Proverbs 28:26). Your imagination is wilder than reality. Instead of worrying about what might be, focus on what is. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:34).
Since there are lots of young women who sexually sinned and yet managed to find husbands, the assumption you are making is false.
When it looks like a young man is seriously considering asking you to marry him, you should tell him that you sinned in your past with an old boyfriend, which is why you broke up with him. While you have not had intercourse, you did behave in a lewd fashion and regret your weakness at the time.
Question:
But we still had sex, even if there was no penetration. Should I tell my future boyfriend the details of our actions and the name of my ex-boyfriend? I am praying that this would not affect my sexual relationship with my future husband. I feel like I am no longer a virgin even if there was no penetration because the fact that I participated in that sexual act for so long and almost did everything except penetration makes me feel so unclean. I am hoping and praying that my future boyfriend will still accept me and find me worth it.
Answer:
No, your future boyfriend should not be told the details beyond the fact that you had sex but not intercourse. He definitely does not need to know who the ex-boyfriend was. Forgiven sins are to be buried. "Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:19-20). Your future boyfriend would not benefit from knowing the details; instead, he will be tempted to compare himself to your past boyfriend and wonder if he is good enough.
