Should we break up so my boyfriend’s parents don’t think he converts because of me?
Question:
Hi,
I just came across your website and you had really good advice especially about relationships. I hope you can give me some advice on my problem.
I met my boyfriend during university life three years ago and during that time he wasn't a Christian. I knew it was wrong for me to even start a relationship with him during that time, so we went really slow in our relationship just trying to know each other better. He was a staunch Buddist at that time and his parents are also against him converting. We broke off several times because of the religious differences and most of the time it came from my side because I couldn't get over my guilt of being with a non-Christian. My mum is a strong Christian influence in my life and I knew if I was unable to get her blessing, I would not be able to really be in a relationship with my boyfriend. I also told him that I wouldn't marry a non-believer. He also told me that he would never convert to be a Christian just to be with me but only if he was touched by God.
Over the years, he continuously followed me to church and even drove me and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to church. He also joined the Bible study group at my university and really encourage me to never lose faith in God and to continue to always turn to God in everything I do. Thank God last year he was touched by the Lord and accepted Christ. I was overjoyed that the Lord heard my prayers and touched him. I was also glad that my boyfriend was finally saved. Because of this, I was able to tell my mother about our relationship and she also approved.
The problem is that my boyfriend's parents are against him converting and will disown him if he dared to convert. Until now he has kept his going to church and accepting Christ a secret from his parents. One week ago, he got the courage and the boldness to tell his parents that he believed in Christ. But they didn't realize that he has accepted Christ. Now his parents are always up his back and nagging at him about making sure he does not convert. They also dislike me because they feel that I am the one who converted their son. My boyfriend came up with a suggestion that maybe we should break up so that his parents will not put the blame on me and realize that his accepting Christ is his own decision. Is this the right move to do or should we stay together and face it together?
I really don't know what to do at this point in time and am really lost. Please help. Thank you.
Answer:
"Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven. Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it)" (Matthew 10:32-39).
The problem with the claimed breakup is that it is a lie. You two really have no intention of breaking up, you just want it to appear that way. It doesn't matter if his parents think he converted due to your influence or not.
His parents have made it clear that they won't accept him being a Christian. He has to make up his mind which is more important to him, his parents' approval and their money or God's approval and heaven. Once he has decided his choice, his actions will be straightforward.
Either his parents will calm down and accept his choice, or they will no longer be a part of his life, which will be sad since they won't get to see their grandchildren that way.
Whether you continue to date this man will be up to his decision of what is more important in his life.
Question:
Thank you for your advice.
My boyfriend has set in his mind that he will not deny Christ and continue to follow him. He also decided to leave everything in the hands of God and trust that God will guide him in helping his parents accept him and also hopefully accept Christ in their life. At times it seems that he as a new believer has more faith in the works of God than I do. However, he does not want to hurt his parents as he is the only child in the family. They have threatened to disown him if he insists on being a Christian. Is there any advice you can give him to help him in these times?
Thank you.
Answer:
Read Matthew 10:32-39 again. Being a Christian will sometimes cause strife in a family because the unbelievers refuse to accept the truth. That cannot be helped. If he is disowned it will be by his parents' choice and not his. He must continue to treat them with respect, even if they are not respectful of him.
Response:
OK. Thank you for your advice.
