Do I let go of my failing marriage?


I’m sorry this is a bit long.

My husband has cheated on me several times in our marriage. Each time, he would convince me he would change, and he would for a few years, but then it would happen again and again. I would take him back and just pray and hope he wouldn’t do it again.

The last affair at this point (that I know of) was several years ago, but I just don’t feel like I can trust anything at all with him. I’ve caught him in lies and just overall shady things that don’t really add up.

The agreements we made when we reconciled such as him wearing his ring, not texting/calling female friends, not going out drinking with certain buddies that were supporters of his previous affairs, not being ultra-secretive with his phone, etc. only lasted a while before being totally ignored.

He is very defensive if I ever try to talk about anything relating to our marriage. It is almost 100% guarantee an attempted talk will be something I regret terribly. He gets so angry it’s just not worth it.

I wonder if God wants me to keep on going through this as long as I can. The stress is almost too much mentally and even physically. He is wanting to go on weekend trips with one of his newly divorced friends to casinos, fishing trips to Mexico. (The last fishing trip with friends was four years ago and he slept with a woman he met in a bar.) I told him I didn’t know if I could emotionally handle it and he is angry at me and says he “can’t keep doing this.” I really think he’s wanting a divorce. He says since he hasn’t cheated in the last few years, he doesn’t understand why I’m leery still.

I’m just in complete agony. We have children. I don’t drink or party and he says I’m boring. He’s wanting fun, but I’ve seen his type of fun and he takes it too far and it destroys me. Do I just let go?


That is a question you will have to decide for yourself. Divorce is never required in the Scriptures, but it is a reluctant option in some cases (Malachi 2:14-16; I Corinthians 7:10-11). The situation you describe is that of an unrepentant man who gets involved with other women because he likes the thrill of cheating (Proverbs 9:17). If you do decide to leave him, you would be able to marry again, but I would recommend waiting until your emotions settle down.


Thank you for taking the time to read my issue. I really appreciate the honesty in your answers. I know your work helps a lot of people.


I thought I’d write with an update.

I found out about a month ago that he had in fact been having yet another affair. I asked him to leave and am now feeling like I have no choice but to divorce him. I cannot continue dragging myself and the kids through this terrible cycle. I’m struggling to get past the guilt I’m feeling for finally saying I am done with this marriage, which is weird, but the way he begs and apologizes I feel manipulates me to feel sorry for him. I have given him more chances than I can honestly count, and I don’t think at this point I could ever possibly trust him again. I know God doesn’t blame me, but would you share some Scripture with me for strength to go through this terrible chapter in my life? I feel like things are falling apart.

Thank you for reading this. I love reading your writings and I appreciate you sharing your knowledge. Thanks again.


I'm sorry to hear that it came to this point, but remember that he decided to break his covenant with you by his many affairs. Of course, he wants to maintain the status quo, but he is focused on what he wants. You have to focus on what is best for you and your children at this point. Guilt belongs to the guilty. You didn't cause his straying. You gave him plenty of chances to change. He decided to continue his sins.

Life isn't always easy, but don't let yourself get overwhelmed. Focus on one task at a time and get through it. Each small step eventually adds up. Also, realize there is only so much you can do.

David talks about the numerous problems he faced as if they were a flood:

"Save me, O God, for the waters have threatened my life. I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and a flood overflows me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; my eyes fail while I wait for my God. Those who hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of my head; those who would destroy me are powerful, being wrongfully my enemies; what I did not steal, I then have to restore. O God, it is You who knows my folly, and my wrongs are not hidden from You" (Psalms 69:1-5).

What he realized is just how much he need God's help to get through the problems.

"But as for me, my prayer is to You, O LORD, at an acceptable time; O God, in the greatness of Your lovingkindness, answer me with Your saving truth. Deliver me from the mire and do not let me sink; may I be delivered from my foes and from the deep waters. May the flood of water not overflow me nor the deep swallow me up, nor the pit shut its mouth on me. Answer me, O LORD, for Your lovingkindness is good; According to the greatness of Your compassion, turn to me, And do not hide Your face from Your servant, for I am in distress; answer me quickly. Oh draw near to my soul and redeem it; ransom me because of my enemies!" (Psalms 68:13-18).

At the right time, God answered. In that David took comfort.

"But I am afflicted and in pain; may Your salvation, O God, set me securely on high. I will praise the name of God with song and magnify Him with thanksgiving" (Psalms 69:29-30).


Thank you so much. I thank God for servants like you.

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