Do I let go of my failing marriage?

Question:

I’m sorry this is a bit long.

My husband has cheated on me several times in our marriage. Each time, he would convince me he would change, and he would for a few years, but then it would happen again and again. I would take him back and just pray and hope he wouldn’t do it again.

The last affair at this point (that I know of) was several years ago, but I just don’t feel like I can trust anything at all with him. I’ve caught him in lies and just overall shady things that don’t really add up.

The agreements we made when we reconciled such as him wearing his ring, not texting/calling female friends, not going out drinking with certain buddies that were supporters of his previous affairs, not being ultra-secretive with his phone, etc. only lasted a while before being totally ignored.

He is very defensive if I ever try to talk about anything relating to our marriage. It is almost 100% guarantee an attempted talk will be something I regret terribly. He gets so angry it’s just not worth it.

I wonder if God wants me to keep on going through this as long as I can. The stress is almost too much mentally and even physically. He is wanting to go on weekend trips with one of his newly divorced friends to casinos, fishing trips to Mexico. (The last fishing trip with friends was four years ago and he slept with a woman he met in a bar.) I told him I didn’t know if I could emotionally handle it and he is angry at me and says he “can’t keep doing this.” I really think he’s wanting a divorce. He says since he hasn’t cheated in the last few years, he doesn’t understand why I’m leery still.

I’m just in complete agony. We have children. I don’t drink or party and he says I’m boring. He’s wanting fun, but I’ve seen his type of fun and he takes it too far and it destroys me. Do I just let go?

Answer:

That is a question you will have to decide for yourself. Divorce is never required in the Scriptures, but it is a reluctant option in some cases (Malachi 2:14-16; I Corinthians 7:10-11). The situation you describe is that of an unrepentant man who gets involved with other women because he likes the thrill of cheating (Proverbs 9:17). If you do decide to leave him, you would be able to marry again, but I would recommend waiting until your emotions settle down.

Response:

Thank you for taking the time to read my issue. I really appreciate the honesty in your answers. I know your work helps a lot of people.

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