I’ve become pregnant by a man I’ve been dating for two years, but he won’t leave his other girlfriend
Question:
I am a young lady, aged 24 years. I have been dating a man for two years now. When we first met he told me he had a girlfriend and a child, and that he wasn't happy where he was. We continued with our friendship up until it turned into a relationship. When our relationship got serious I asked him what he was planning to do about his girlfriend. He would always tell me that he was going to leave her. Two years later he still hasn't left her, and they are still staying together. I am now pregnant, but he still won't decide if he wants to be with me or with her; yet, he is still staying with her. What do I do? My biggest fear is having to raise a child alone, even though he has promised to do his part.
Answer:
People do lie, especially in situations where they think the lie will benefit them. Therefore, Jesus told us to pay attention to what a person does over what he says. His actions and what results from his actions will be a more accurate indication of the truth than his words. "You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20).
This man has been telling what you want to hear so that you would allow him to crawl into your bed. You knew he was having sex with another woman; yet, you allowed him to have sex with you merely on his claim that he was planning one day to leave this other woman and his child. The fact that he would say he would consider abandoning his child is an indication of what kind of man he is. He never left her, and you've known this.
He is a man who uses women for his own gratification. He'll collect as many as he can so he always has a warm bed to crawl into. He has always been totally unsuitable for marriage. He would not resist having sex with any woman he could talk into it.
Dump the cad. Either plan on being a single mother until the time you can find a suitable husband, or place the child up for adoption so that he will have a good home. Then start following God in earnest. There are good reasons why God said sex is only to take place in marriage and you discovered one of them the hard way. See: Why Sex Outside of Marriage is Wrong.
Question:
Thank you for your advice sir. I just don't know how to go about life now. In our country adoption is not an option as is in the US. The only option I have is keeping the child and raising it. How do I do that with having to get involved with him again?
Answer:
I've checked and I can't find a country where adoption is not possible. If you wish to keep the child, that is certainly something you can decide to do. It means you will need to get a job to support yourself and your child. You will also need to have someone, hopefully family, who can watch your child while you work.
