You don’t understand, kids today have to live with someone
Question:
I just wanted to say that your site is very distorted from the word to God and I pray that you find Christ.
I read the topic over of the question beginning with: "I am in the same situation as the young lady, who is 23 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for almost ten years, and we need help."
This is my situation and I am desperately hoping for answers about it. Kids nowadays simply cannot afford to move out. I assume you are older by your response. If you're pursuing a graduate degree, you are busy. You cannot work without risking your grades. I would think you'd understand that if you had gone to college, but maybe you just married late.
To tell this girl her only solution is just "tell your parents you're moving in with them." That's horrible. We are usually going to school to make a better life. Not everyone has rich parents with huge households to accommodate more people.
I just wanted to say that was a really harsh response coming from a site that is supposed to be Christian. I hope that you find Christ. The real, true Christ.
Answer:
It appears to me that you merely glanced at the answer or are relying on what someone else said about the answer because your quote regarding the solution doesn't appear in my answer.
The solution I gave was that if they could not stop committing fornication, then they needed to get married. I then proved that the marriage could be affordable. When the woman said they were both living at home and could not pay rent on their own, I suggested that they talk with their parents and see if one of them would allow them to live in their home for a while after they got married. Thus, this wasn't a matter of asking rich parents to take them back in, they were already with their parents.
Nowhere did I state this was their only option. It was the one that best solved their current situation since the woman who wrote made it clear that fornication was going to continue.
In answer to your question: yes, I am older. I have four grown children. I have a master's degree that I obtained while I was married and raising children. I got married soon after I got my bachelor's degree and worked full-time while pursuing my master's. I did start on my doctorate but decided that I rather preach and didn't finish that level of my degree. By the way, I paid my own way through college and did not take out any loans. My children did the same thing with their education.
Now, how is it that you find a recommendation that someone stop sinning and get married "harsh" or "horrible" or against the teachings of Christ? "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).
Question:
Hello,
Thank you.
I did not merely glance at your response. I feel horrible that you would accuse me of this. I read it very thoroughly because I am desperately looking for answers. You ended the woman's question with an abrupt: "Then you should talk to your parents and figure out which would allow you to live at their house."
Our single parents cannot afford this. Not all of us are as smart as you and can balance a family and a job and a degree as you are saying you have done. I am not sure what paying your way through college means in this. These questions were not asked of the woman. Which is why she probably stopped responding because her hope in church officials has probably also dwindled as well.
The solution I see is get married solely for the purpose of avoiding pre-marital sex. It is no wonder that the Christian divorce rate is rising. This is why I will not go to church officials for help. I will stay between me and God solely. I am so hurt by how hurtful the world is. Please, step back and focus on Jesus, showing his love, and caring for the new generation with fresh eyes. Because it is my generation that is destroying what once was a Christian nation.
Best of luck,
Answer:
Again, you did not pay attention to what the person stated in the original message. She and her boyfriend were both living with their respective parents at the time. When I told them that if they could not control themselves in regards to sex, then they should get married so their relationship is no longer sinful (Hebrews 13:4). When she objected that they could not afford an apartment, I suggested that they should talk to their parents and see if they could continue living with one of them.
Arguing that everyone can't do this doesn't change the answer to this person's situation. Arguing that the answer is not what Christ would want is foolish since the advice was based on Christ's teachings and passages were cited to support the position. While you indicate that you disagree with those teachings, you have done nothing to show that what was taught was wrong. You merely gave your opinion and showed that you did not read the note very well.
Even in this reply you again show poor comprehension when you state that I argued that they should get married solely for the purpose of avoiding pre-marital sex. The woman in the original note states that they wanted to get married but could not afford it. My response is that they could afford to get married and in doing so be right with God.
Statistics, done by Rutgers University, have shown that it is people who live together prior to marriage who have the highest probability of divorcing after marriage. It is God who stated that those without self-control should marriage (I Corinthians 6:9). Your viewpoint runs contrary to the facts.
My use of my own college experience was in answer to your charges that I did not know what I was talking about because you assumed that I never went through such things.
You also draw many conclusions from a lack of a posted response from the original woman. Truth is, you have no idea what happened and neither do I. Thus, your assumptions are invalid and are not evidence that my advice was wrong.
Finally, we have the amusing revelation that you think your generation is ruining what was once a Christian nation, while at the same time telling me that you don't listen to Christian teachers and leaders and don't attend worship services. It seems you just clarified the root cause of your problem.
Question:
You have taken quite some time to draw up self-defense. I hope that you have convinced yourself that you are right and we are wrong. That you are above, and we are below. Consider how Christ handled criticism and learning to accept when in the wrong, or maybe not in the wrong; like when Christ was crucified and remained silent.
I will be praying for you and for your church.
Answer:
"A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing his own mind" (Proverbs 18:2).
Notice that this conversation is no longer about the original objection. She has run out of points, so she attempts to make this into a smear in order to continue ignoring what has been proven to her. Continuing with someone who goes out of her way not to listen is not a profitable use of time.
