Is God no longer a priority if I visit other congregations to look for a wife?


God must always come first and our mission in life must be Jesus' mission, but how do I deal with the underlying problem of being alone? In the most humble way, I make mention of, yes, He is with us until the end of the age; yes, we will not be forsaken; yes, we should cast all our cares upon Him because He cares; but how do I go about living like this? It simply isn't easy when you battle things for years without anything coming to fruition.

I've never been in a relationship during my entire adult life (I am currently in my late 20s). At best, I find it difficult to connect with most in the congregation. It's hard to put yourself out there when you don't think it's worth it or when you think you're not worth it. In many other articles I've read on this site (and among others in the brotherhood), I find the same to be true; being single is like being in a limbo stage of life, even outcast or leper-like. I dislike going to any events where I show up alone and the worst part is that it has become part of my identity: a lone wolf. I don't have to be held in high regard or constantly be showered in glory, but the opposite is also true, and I wonder if that is why some Christians ultimately leave the church. The point I'm trying to make is that I believe I can go it alone, but how to I deal with the lack of companionship? Not the physical desires but what happens when my grandparents pass and then my parents?

I also want to throw in that I've always been cautious in praying "give us a king" because you might really get it, and it isn't what you asked for!

Does going to neighboring congregations in search of a godly women mean that God is no longer the priority? Phrased another way: if my sole reason for going to another congregation to worship is to search for a godly woman, would God frown upon that?

From one of your answers, "Would the type of girl whom you would like to marry be interested in you?" No, and my problem is that I've never thought that. I've never been good enough for anything. I've always been extremely hard on myself for as long as I can remember for the slightest failure. Throughout most of my life, things weren't enough because I had to be better. My grades weren't good enough, my effort in basketball (high school and college) was not enough, etc. Don't get me wrong, I’m blessed and thankful for my home life but everyone has to be pushed to an extent. Dad is a Christian, but my mom and brother are Catholic. I suppose I was conditioned to focus on the bad. After all, aren't we unprofitable servants at best (unfortunately)?


The number of good, solid Christians are not so numerous in most of the world that you can expect to find a spouse in your local congregation. It is great when it happens, but more often people find each other at gatherings held various places where people from neighboring congregations are invited. Visit congregations when they are having a meeting series or go sometimes "just because." None of these things are wrong.

It is God who instituted marriage because it wasn't good for man to be alone (Genesis 2). God advocates getting married, though He also says there is nothing wrong with being single. Thus, it is not lessening God by looking for a wife as He designed the world.

However, if you find yourself gone so much that you are a visitor at your own congregation, then something is wrong. To be a member means you are working with the group. If you don't feel involved, then volunteer to help or visit the shut-ins or bring something to those who are ill. Gestures of kindness help others but they also help you. As Jesus said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35). If nothing else, remember that people are more likely to recommend you to others if they both know you and appreciate you.

Have you ever thought about hosting a gathering yourself and inviting young adults from the region to come? You could ask one of the local elders or an older couple to "chaperone" to make sure everyone is comfortable. Since you mentioned liking basketball, invite people over for an afternoon of games and a picnic.

I think you misunderstood Luke 17:10, "So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done." Jesus' point is that obeying God's commands doesn't make us special or better than other people. We serve God; therefore, we are expected to obey God's commands. This does not translate into thinking we can never please God. In Jesus' parable of the talents, two of the servants, who did as the Lord commanded, were told: "Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master" (Matthew 25:21,23).

I suspect that if we talked for a while, I would soon learn that you are not the failure you imagine yourself to be. I'm positive you have done good in your life, but likely you discount it because you don't think it is as valuable as the good other people. You see the things you do as things anyone could do, which is not an accurate or fair judgment of yourself. It is good at times to do as the song we often sing and count our many blessings. We need to learn to appreciate what God has done for us and through us for others.

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