Why has God left me alive after my sexual abuse?


I was sexually abused by a man in a church. I went down the road of homosexuality, I asked the Lord into my heart at the age of 23. But many times I fell into sin.

I am concerned as I don't hear the Holy Spirit anymore.  From what I have read in the Bible, t sounds like this is a condition you cannot come back from.

Can you help me? I am desperate. I don't want to go to hell. Why is God keeping me alive if that is my destination now?


It is sad to hear that you suffered at the hands of a wicked man when you were young. What he did was evil, but it does not mean you are evil. The past cannot be undone, but you can leave it behind.

I suspect that you entered into homosexuality because you accepted the lies that you were a homosexual because of what the man did to you.  If you are robbed, it doesn't make you a thief. You were robbed of your innocence, but sin doesn't have to be your master. Accepting Jesus is a good first step, but true freedom from the bondage of sin comes when you completely give yourself over to Christ. See What Must I Do to be Saved?

God doesn't stop speaking. It is men who stop listening. God speaks to us through His Son (Hebrews 1:2) and His Son speaks to us through the writings inspired by the Holy Spirit. "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17). The Bible doesn't teach that the Holy Spirit directly speaks to every Christian. Rather, the words of the Spirit are recorded and it is up to men to choose to listen to them or reject them.

It sounds to me that your guilt over your sins interfering with your relationship with God. The simple solution is to leave your sins behind. "Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:13-14). It doesn't matter how bad your past was. God is willing to forgive anyone of any sins, but He does require that you leave your sins behind. "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9).

The verses you alluded to talk about the impossibility of saving people who remain in their sins, but no one has to stay a sinner.


I appreciate your email back, I am struggling right now with suicidal thoughts, feeling that I can't get back to God after so many years of sin.

Please keep me in your prayers, and thank you for responding back.


Feelings do not determine what is reality (Proverbs 28:26). Most often, feelings are wrong.

God isn't holding you back. You are doing that to yourself. "Behold, the LORD'S hand is not so short That it cannot save; Nor is His ear so dull That it cannot hear.  But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear" (Isaiah 59:1-2). Instead of wallowing in your own grief, use that sorrow as motivation to change and leave your sins. "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.  For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).


I will listen to what you have said and will try to draw near to God.

Thanks for listening.

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