Why don’t I feel guilty after committing fornication with my fiance?
Question:
I became a true Christian about three years ago!
I have Calvinist points of view, and I tried to be hyper-serious to keep a holy life. I've been raised in a Christian family, but I had committed fornication before Jesus touched my life. When I left my non-Christian boyfriend and I've been alone since. I've been praying hard for a man that just fits rightly! I've been avoiding other potential partners for not being "the one." I became super picky! I was ready to be alone if the right Christian with the right personality didn't come to my life, so I gave up looking and put it in God's hands.
Truth is, God answered my prayers. I met my second formal boyfriend (and now fiance) on a Christian site. We tested each other. After a while, he decided to come to my country and God confirmed our prayers. We're immensely in love and we both love Jesus with all our heart.
But truth must be said: we've fallen into fornication the last time he came! We could have gotten married here, but he wants me to go to his country, and we know that petitions take longer if someone gets marry overseas. But my concern is this: I know that biblically we've committed a sin but for some reason, I don't have this guilt that it used to be characterized in my life every time I sinned. No matter how little it was, I would always have a huge need to repent! What worries me is that I don't feel it anymore. Would that mean the Holy Spirit left my life? Or is He contrite? Or was I never saved? Or it's supposed to be this way because I feel peace in my heart?
It is the first time that we both love and trust in someone. Will God not bless this union, even though I prayed for him to avoid it because I confessed I'm weak and knew this would happen. I can marry now. We're both are ready for it, but I know what the Bible says about sinning knowing the truth and there's no more sacrifice left for it! Does that mean we're doomed?
Another question I have is this: I've always been a very eccentric person. I have had many traumas in my life, which are all healed now thanks to God, but I don't feel I want to have kids with my future husband, and it was an important requirement for me in order to be with one. I'm hardly judged by other Christians for not wanting kids, but if I do have children, I know I would be a bad mother! I don't ever want to do that because I know myself. If someone knows that they would do bad at something, is it better to never start? My fiance has a daughter already from a prior marriage, so he doesn't mind not having more children, but is contraception sinful? What if it's permanent?
I've always been following my own conscience and relationship with God to make decisions, but based on some answers that I had the opportunity to read on your website -- I don't know -- I decided to ask. Since I keep everything to myself, I've never been understood by other Christians! I'm not active in my church. I go often but don't participate much.
I'm 23 and my boyfriend 37. I pray to God that you could help me to find the right direction according to what the Scripture says, and, of course, that I could apply it as well in my life because that is what I aim for.
Thank you so much for reading this.
God bless you!
Answer:
One of the sad periods of Israel's history was the time of the Judges. The people went from bad to worse to horrible and the key is found at the end of the book: "In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes" (Judges 21:25). People were doing like you, deciding for themselves what was right or wrong. However, everyone has their own ideas. The problem is that right and wrong is not a personal choice or a feeling. God sets the standard and He didn't leave us guessing as to where the boundaries are. "Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust" (II Peter 1:2-4). Through our knowledge of God -- through the Bible -- we have everything we need for living this life and living it in a godly manner.
Thus, a measure of our love for God is our willingness to put His commands over our own desires.
"If you love Me, you will keep My commandments" (John 14:15).
"Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).
"For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome" (I John 5:3).
It appears to me that while you technically know you have sinned, you've excused your sin to yourself. It isn't so bad because you love and plan to marry this man. Because of this, you don't feel that you've really sinned. While you remain unrepentant of your sin, it would be foolish to think that God would answer your prayers. "You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:3-4).
There is only one proper response to sin and that is to repent, which means to change your mind about the sin and change your behavior. God doesn't hold the past against someone when they have changed. " "But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?" " (Ezekiel 18:21-23).
The passage "For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins" (Hebrews 10:26), is talking about the unrepentant sinner who knows what he is doing is wrong, but does it anyway with no effort made to return to God. I hope that does not describe you.
Regarding contraception, I have a detailed discussion on this matter. See Contraceptives.
Response:
The contraceptives article was so so so helpful thank you! And, yes, we've repented. But I guess we need to take precautions in the future. I think we should marry as soon as possible because with our lack of self-control we might be likely to repeat it. It's not so easy with your guard down and emotions sometimes block reason! I find it that sometimes is not enough to just confess weakness but actually do something about it. So we're going to pray to God to find ways to stop it while preparing everything to do things right. I love the truth. I love judgment. Without it, we might not find God's mercy. The article was helpful, accurate, and objective, and your answers, too.
Thank you very much! Many questions in my head have been answered.
