Why am I forced to be single?
Question:
I am 43 male Christian. I have never been married, and I am a virgin.
I never chose to be single or celibate. I could never gain the interest of the opposite sex, so I have been forced to be celibate. Does being forced to be celibate and not being able to get a relationship with a woman because women never liked me make God think I'm a loser and make my being single a sin?
I feel angry because I want to be clean sexually, but Paul says if a man can't control himself, he should marry to avoid sexual immorality. That sounds like Paul is saying that if a man is like me, who has strong desires and doesn't marry, he will commit sexual immorality. I feel that by being forced to be single and not even having the option to fornicate, I am forced into the sexual sins of my heart and eyes. I feel I am stuck and that my circumstances forbid me to marry.
The whole modern society gives women too much power in relationships. A man has to flirt to get a woman to say yes to a relationship, and I can't flirt and think flirting is deceptive. I wouldn't be single against my will if I were alive in biblical times. I don't know how God will judge me fairly since I am being forced into celibacy. I want to not sin sexually in my thoughts and with my eyes and inherit the kingdom of God, but being forced to be single seems to force me to stumble with my thoughts and eyes, against my wishes. Whenever I approached a woman, she said she was in a relationship or didn't want anything to do with me. In the Bible, you could pay a girl's father money for his daughter, and she would become the man's wife. The Bible says the woman was created for the man, not the man for the woman, so women having all the social power today where a man is required to flirt with a woman to get her to like him makes women have all the say so, and gives men no rights, and requires men to flirt and play the so-called "dating game."
I don't know what God thinks of my situation and how I can stay pure with my eyes and heart since I burn, as Paul says, but I can't make a marriage happen to avoid burning.
Answer:
"But He said to them, 'Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it'" (Matthew 19:11-12).
Life isn't often fair. We have to deal with people, and not everyone is nice.
I don't know much about your situation, but it sounds like you are meeting women, but you haven't found someone who finds you interesting yet. Dating and marriage involve two people. It has always been that way, even back in biblical days. For example, Jacob took a liking to Rachel, and she liked him in return. Jacob then negotiated a dowry to marry her. When Abraham's servant asked to arrange a marriage between Rebekah and Isaac, Rebekah was first asked if she agreed. Therefore, the idea that men just "bought" a wife in the old days is not supported by the Bible. Marriage is about two people agreeing to work together for the rest of their lives.
Dating doesn't require flirting. Dating is a time to get to know another person better so that you can make an informed decision about whether to get married or not.
I'm glad you value your relationship with God and have not gotten involved in fornication. I understand that controlling your sexual urges is difficult, but you have made it so far and can continue.
When Paul wrote, "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8), he is talking about a man and woman who are struggling with their desires so that they don't commit fornication. Paul was saying it was better to marry than to sin because of their sexual desire for each other.
