While engaged, I slept with a former girlfriend, who is now pregnant. What do I do?


Dear sir,

Greetings to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Please I want to seek your advice in this regard.

I met a lady after my youth service corps, and we started dating each other, but later I discovered that I couldn't marry her because she was not the kind of woman I wanted. The love was not coming naturally. After six months, I broke up the relationship and moved on with another lady. I loved her and decided to marry her.

Later, after some years, she started calling, texting, and flashing. Any time I replied to her calls she would demand money. I did not hesitate to send her money because she is in school. But last fall she called me saying she would like to pass the night at my house because she was coming from school and there was no place to sleep. I slept with her. Several months later she called to say she was three months pregnant.

I have been seriously disorganized because I'm a worker in the church, and I have someone I was going to marry. When I told my love about it, she agreed to move on with me, but my parents insist that I must marry her. I have also taken the responsibility for supporting her financially but am not ready to marry her in any way. I have prayed for forgiveness of sin. Marrying her has been a concern. Is it a sin if I do not marry her? Can I still have a church wedding?

Please I need your counseling on this issue.

May God continue to give you wisdom and understanding. Hoping to hear from you soon.


I'm afraid that I got lost since there are two women involved and you switched back and forth between them. What I gathered is that you have been having sex with two different women. The first woman you dated for about six months and broke up with her. You started dating a second woman and decided to marry her. But recently the first woman stayed the night at your house and you had sex with her. This woman is now claiming to be pregnant with your child. The second woman, the one you want to marry, is still willing to marry you, but your family is insisting that you marry the woman you got pregnant.

First, let's get something straight. While you call yourself a Christian, you are not behaving as a Christian ought to behave. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Claiming to be a Christian while committing fornication brings reproach on the name of Christ. What Paul said was, "I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person" (I Corinthians 5:9-11). The first thing you need to do is repent of your sins, which includes no longer having sex with women to whom you are not married.

Who you marry is up to you, but regardless you are responsible for taking care of the child you conceived. It is not the child's fault that you sinned. But before you accept responsibility, I would suggest that you have a DNA test done to make sure the child is yours. It is possible that the first woman is lying about the child in order to attempt to force you to marry her.

There is no requirement in the Bible for a wedding in a church building. Weddings have been taking place since the beginning of the world, long before Christ established his church. If the preacher where you are at only wants to marry people who are sexually pure, then you will have to find another place to get married.

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