What does it mean for a husband to not honor his wife?

Answer:

First, let's address the last question: What is meant by honoring your wife? The Greek word behind "honor" is timen. It briefly means "price, value, honor, recognition, or respect." The word basically means giving or acknowledging the value or worth belonging to someone. For example, we are to give God glory and honor (I Timothy 6:16; Revelation 4:11). God's value is far greater than all of creation, so we offer Him worship. (Interestingly, our word "worship" comes from "worth-ship.")

All people have value; thus, all are to be valued for who they are. "Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king" (I Peter 2:17). If for nothing else because each person is made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). God saw the value in us because He bought us at a price (the Greek word time again), "For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's" (I Corinthians 6:20).

When a person is in a position of authority, they deserve honor for their position. Thus, we are to honor:

• Rulers (Romans 13:7; I Peter 2:17)
• Masters (I Timothy 6:1)
• Elders (I Timothy 5:17)

We honor others because of their personal importance in our lives.

• Friends in the church who labor for us (Philippians 2:29)
• Widows who have served others (I Timothy 5:3)
• Wives (I Peter 3:7)

Thus, the concept in I Peter 3:7 is that husbands are to treat their wives in a way that demonstrates the value they see in their wives. Peter states that a wife should be treated as "a weaker vessel." By that, he refers to a delicate piece of pottery, such as a piece of fine china. You don't handle a piece of expensive china like you treat a clay flower pot. Thus, a husband is to treat his wife in a way that shows her importance and value in his life. Secondly, he is to give her respect because she is an equal partner in salvation. She should be treated minimally the same as every other Christian is treated.

There are two variant readings of the word "hinder," but most seem to think the Greek word enkoptesthai is the proper word here. It means to hinder, prevent, or weary. In classical Greek, it was used to refer to obstacles used by the military to slow down an advancing army. Thus, Paul uses it to refer to his being prevented from reaching Rome (Romans 15:22). He eventually got there, but not when he wanted or in the manner he wanted. Paul also used it about Satan putting stumbling blocks in the way of Christians (Galatians 5:7; I Thessalonians 2:18). Again, the idea is not absolute prevention but a slowdown that might lead to a complete halt if something wasn't done.

Another usage of this word is in "Nevertheless, not to be tedious to you any further, I beg you to hear, by your courtesy, a few words from us" (Act 24:4) as the word "tedious." It refers to being so boring or overbearing that it hinders someone from listening to what is being said.

Greek is a precise language, and the word "your" in this passage is in the second person, in the genitive case. It is not a direct reference to the husbands; otherwise, it would have been in the masculine case. Many commentators see this as a reference to the joint prayers of the husband and wife. In other words, if a husband doesn't have proper respect for his wife, his joint prayers with her to God will not be appreciated by God because they will appear insincere and hypocritical. He might pray, but God might choose not to answer because of his attitude. "Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:1-4).

As to whether a man who is not honoring his wife should lead public prayer, it would be no different than anyone else who has sin in his life. Please note, though, that it is not merely the wife's accusation of being dishonored but that the brethren actually judge that he is being disrespectful and, therefore, choose not to call on him to participate in the services. I have seen cases where a wife claimed she was not honored as she thought she should have been, but either she demanded more than was her due or ignored the forms of honor he gave her because she expected something different. These are cases where elders and older women need to provide aid in helping a woman see things more clearly. But when a man is mistreating or degrading his wife, it would not be proper to use him in any part of the service.